TONY 'BALONEY' HAYWARD
As millions of Americans are enjoying a three-day Memorial Day weekend, BP executives and crew must work around the clock to continue efforts to stop the flow of oil into the Gulf of Mexico and at least appear as if they are trying to clean the waters and shorelines of the southern states affected by the oil leakage.
As one executive put it in a news conference on Friday, "This oil spill has affected us in ways you can't imagine. While everyone else in America is spending time with their families going to picnics and ball games, eating hot dogs and swilling beer, we are slaving away at work on this damned mess. It wasn’t until we heard one local newscaster tell another, ‘well, Paul, I’m off for a three-day weekend; have a good one,’ that it occurred to me that if we’d have only used a little more sense when designing and constructing this damned oil platform, none of us would be having to miss a holiday.”
When reminded that he was British and Memorial Day was an American holiday, the executive replied, “I beg to differ, but because we are operating this particular business within the confines of America, we are bound by America’s employment laws, which specifically state that we must take Memorial Day as a holiday, and we certainly wouldn’t want to break any American laws.”