Geneticist Synthetically Recreates Stephen Hawking’s DNA

A well-known geneticist has created DNA identical to that of Stephen Hawking, and claims that when injected into specially prepared bacteria cells, the synthetic organism will be capable of building a time machine.

Said the scientist, “This is the first in a series of designer organism that, when procreated, will be capable of doing all sorts of amazing things--things that yet have only been dreamt about in Jules Verne novels and Leonardo da Vinci sketches.”

When asked to expound on that statement, the jubilant scientist exclaimed “the sky is no longer the limit, the universe is no longer the limit, God is definitely no longer the limit, and well, I’m not sure that even infinity times infinity times infinity is the limit, but I think it may be somewhere around there that you can stop thinking of limits.” No one understood what he was talking about but they were excited as hell.

The mad (not in an emotional sense) scientist put it more in layman’s terms. “Remember the first Star Wars movie? Remember the bar scene and all those incredible creatures that came out of the imagination of George Lucas? Well, we can now create each and every one of them just like that only to make sure they fit into society, we’ll give them the “human” gene and “English language” gene, so they won’t go around killing people and will talk just like everyone else. This is especially important if they want to live in Arizona.”

He continued. “Imagine the wonder and awe when your child asks for a pet and they get something that looks like a cross between a billy goat, a giant tortoise and a gorilla, only it will behave as gentle as a kitten.”

Asked if there might be a more practical application for his discovery, the scientist answered, “well, yeah, if you wanna get all boring on me and stuff, I guess you could say that this discovery will allow us to create some designer microorganisms that may come in handy in fighting certain diseases, but that’s not exactly the reason I did this. I just wanted to see if life forms like those in George Lucas and Steven Spielberg’s heads really could exist on this planet.”

And what about Stephen Hawking, he was asked. “Oh that. I just created that organism to get people’s tongues wagging. The Star Wars thing is what’s really gonna put me on the fast track to success.