Hillary Clinton Obviously Not Aware Obama Cannot Run for Third Term

Alex Brandon/AP Photo

In case no one has noticed lately, it seems former Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton, has been a bit passive aggressive in her treatment of her former boss, President Obama.

She came at him with both barrels last week, lambasting his skills on the international front and his handling of the Middle Eastern crisis, and then whammo, she starts talking about hugging him when next they meet, and telling the press she really does admire him. Ok, so she states he doesn't know what he's doing when it comes to foreign affairs, but is proud of him?

What's up with that? Hormonal changes? Possibly. But honestly, it looks more like she's stuck in perpetual "running for President" mode, trying to cut her own swatch out of the foreign affairs fiasco quilt that is quickly unraveling before our very eyes. But going after the guy whom she needs badly to help her win a possible nomination as Democratic candidate for President certainly begs some kind of explanation. Perhaps she feels confident in the fact that the only other guy who holds sway over the 2016 Democratic primary nominations is her own husband, Bill. With Bill on her side, who needs old Mr. what's his name?

So, what about Bill Clinton, while we're on the subject. Possibly, she is having a tough time with him and subconsciously taking it out on Obama. I mean, look at him (Obama that is). He's successful, his marriage is solid, his kids are way cute. To fill his shoes, which appear to be about a size 13 if not larger, she is going to have to come out of the gate half cocked and loaded for bear, not unlike a certain other female politician from the other party who has not yet made her intentions clear on whether or not to run for the White House herself.

But enough of Sarah Palin already. It is pure conjecture, but it would appear that Hillary Clinton is gunning for Obama to show she can take on the biggest dog in the Democratic pound. Fair enough. What about Elizabeth Warren?

"Oh her!" said Clinton at a recent fundraiser. "I've challenged her to a cookie bake off and she hasn't accepted yet. Guess we know who's afraid of whom now, don't we?"

Sarah Palin's Heritage Linked Back to Salem Witch Trial Era

A reading of parts of a manuscript dated to 1692, has been found to contain the surname Ward. This name, when researched, may suggest that Henrietta McAutrey, nee Ward, is a thrice-removed cousin of our own Sarah Palin.

You may think that Henrietta Ward was one of the accused witches prosecuted during the Salem Witch Trials, given who she may be related to. However, Ms. Ward was actually a cousin herself of Cotton Mather, one of the foremost proponents of evil spirits dwelling the in the bodies of hapless women during the era of witch hysteria that gripped small towns in Massachusetts.

Can any of this be proven? According to historian, Johanna Watson (herself a direct descendant of the infamous Dr. John Watson), the answer is no.

"The trail linking Ward directly to Palin is sketchy at best," answered Ms. Watson.

When asked then why she was tracing Sarah Palin's roots in the first place, Ms. Watson said it was something Palin said during her bid as Vice-President that struck her odd.

"Ms. Palin, in a coffee shop somewhere, said 'yes, of course, I believe there are demons among us that wish to destroy us,' and I thought it odd that she would speak in such a way. Almost as if she were channeling a 16th Century witch hunter," said the amateur historian.

Ms. Watson said that one statement started her on a journey to trace Sarah Palin's roots, and she has never looked back. She says some of her research has led her to believe Palin's ancestry linked her  to either the Salem Witch Trials, or to Popcorn Sutton, one of the most famous moonshiners in American history, but she wasn't certain which.

"It's a tossup between Cotton and Popcorn," said Watson. 

"I presume we will find our answer shortly, and when we do, we will report the findings at once," she said, politely ending the interview.

Glenn Beck Saves TheBlaze by Not Offering Job to Sarah Palin

God knows I love her, but we can’t have that kinda crazy around here ~ Glenn Beck

Glenn Beck says that when he heard Sarah Palin was leaving Fox News, he couldn’t have been happier.

“Now she will make something of herself, like I did,” he said proudly, adding “There is, after all, life after Fox.”

When Beck was fired from Fox back in the middle of 2011, many wondered if he’d ever recover from that mighty slap in the face by Roger Ailes. They aren’t wondering any longer, however. The answer is “No, he didn’t recover…yet.”

With the same fate befalling Sarah Palin, many speculated Beck would unite with the Alaskan ice queen, taking her into his fold and giving Palin her own show on his latest venture, TheBlaze.

TheBlaze TV is Beck’s internet television network (formerly GBTV—which name was abandoned by Beck for sounding too gay.)

“I like the sound of it,” said Beck at first (TheRogue, Sarah Palin, you know, not GBTV) as he tossed around the idea of TheBlaze going rogue.

“Sarah might just be the drug we need to pump even more life into the veins of TheBlaze,” Beck answered when asked what exactly Sarah could bring to the show.

“Sarah Palin puts the “pug” in pugnacious,” said a fired-up Beck.

But almost as quickly as he entertained the thought of bringing Sarah on board, he reneged on the potential deal, resulting in a collective sigh of relief by everyone associated with Beck’s internet television show.

“Some people say I’m crazy,” said Beck, “but I’m not that crazy.”

Palin was asked about Beck’s unofficial offer to give her a shot on TheBlaze TV network. She responded in her usual feigned interest voice “Beck who? Oh, Glenn Beck. Is he still around?”

In a related news story, Tina Fey has pleaded with her fans to stop texting her, asking what she is going to do now that she no longer works for Fox News.

Ann Coulter and Sarah Palin Trade Barbs Over Retard Comment

Play along and I'll make us both rich.

Ann Coulter is taking plenty of heat for her use of the word “retard” to describe President Obama. Word of the slur caught Sarah Palin by surprise and, while one of Coulter’s biggest fans, Palin said she had to stay true to herself and her family by publicly admonishing her.

“Look, I like Ann,” said Palin from her Wasilla home on Friday, “but sometimes she can be such a moron,” said Palin laughing.

“No seriously, Ann, you idiot, you’re still my BFF,” continued Palin as she smiled and winked at the cameras. 

“If I didn’t know any better,” said Palin, “I’d think you have the IQ of an imbecile.”

Asked what she thought of Palin’s public flogging of her, Coulter simply responded “Say what you want about that back-woods bimbo,” and left it at that.

In a related news item just this morning, Ann Coulter lashed out at the people who bought her book and who are now asking for their money back.

“What a bunch of losers,” said Coulter as she ducked back inside her home to retrieve her ugly stick to beat off the reporters.

“There are about a gazillion new books out there--some of them with mostly pictures and very little writing--yet those idiots are way more interested in what I have to say than someone who actually deserves to be on the NYT best-sellers list.

Coulter pushed further. “I gotta say that the America I helped to shape is definitely not disappointing me. When dimwits who can’t even read plunk down the $10 or so bucks it costs to get a copy of my new book, I have to laugh at the absurdity. 99% of them can’t even spell Demagoguery.”

Asked if she wasn’t worried her attack on her fans will cost her dearly in book sales, Coulter replied “Are you kidding? Those numskulls love me.”

Romney Calls Foul on Choice of First Presidential Debate Moderator

While it hasn’t been officially announced, the Romney camp claims that they have been told by unconfirmed sources that the moderator for the first Presidential Debate set to air on October 3, 2012 will be Katie Couric.

“Well, it could be worse,” quipped Stuart Stevens, the only optimist on Team Romney. “At least Couric won’t be interviewing Mitt.”

Stevens was referring, of course, to Couric’s infamous interview of Sarah Palin in 2008, right before the Presidential elections. Some say that interview put the nail in the coffin of John McCain’s campaign for President.

“She’s a sneaky snake, that Couric,” said another, less optimistic Romney aide.

“Whoever is responsible for choosing Couric is clearly a Liberal Commie Democrat, and we are going to fight this tooth and nail to see that we get a fair and impartial moderator for the first debate to make sure our boss doesn’t get taken down like Palin.

The aide was asked who then, if not Couric, would be mitt Romney’s choice for a moderator, someone who they thought could conduct a fair debate, or at least one where Romney doesn’t come off looking like a complete fool. The aide replied, “Um, all of 'em, any of 'em that, um, have, have been moderating over all these years….”

 

Barack Obama Thanks Bristol Palin for Unsolicited Parental Advice

No ma'am. I only appear to have
a PhD in Child Psychology

Barack Obama made sure to acknowledge the wise words he received indirectly Friday from Bristol Palin with regards to his stance on same-sex marriage.

“We are just incredibly thankful to have someone as mature and wise as Bristol Palin taking such an interest in the way Michelle and I are raising our girls, Sasha and Malia,” said the President from one of the many stops he made today on the campaign trail.

Obama was referring to the remarks Palin made in a blog post where she stated that she believed, as a father, Barack Obama was a bit misguided in allowing his young daughters to help shape his opinions on such important matters as same-sex marriage.

“Oh, I’m just so glad to be in a position to share my years of experience with the Obamas,” said the 21-year old daughter of former Vice-Presidential candidate, Sarah Palin.

“I had to rebel, get pregnant, have a child out of wedlock, raise it on my own, and get a job in the entertainment business before my mother would even discuss anything of this much importance with me,” said Palin.

Jeb Bush Lying in Wait to Pounce Like a Panther upon GOP Scene

See Jeb? See Jeb Run? Run, Jeb, Run.

Rumors are still swirling that Jeb Bush is considering putting his name in the hat for the GOP nomination. But, if there is one thing you should know about the Bush family it is this, they don’t do anything without putting a whole lot of thought in it. The main thought being “will it make us rich?”

It is for this reason that Jeb hasn’t just rushed right onto the political scene to announce his presidential bid.

“For one thing,” said daddy Bush, “the job only pays $400 grand a year, so while George Jr. was happy to have a little pocket change without having to work too hard for it, my son Jeb needs quite a bit more than that to fund all his half-assed business schemes.”

Friends close to Jeb in Florida though say he is just about ready to pounce if he can get a few of his rich friends to promise him more than a salary once the title “President” attaches to his resume. Lobbyists claim that as of now, Jeb’s pretty worthless to them, but put him in the White House, wind him up and give him his marching orders, and buddy, the sky’s the limit.”

Jeb claims the main reason he’s been overly coy about the whole matter is that he’s watched how Sarah Palin and Donald Trump have just thrown themselves out there on the political scene, toying with the affections of the Conservative party.  Bush honestly believes that may be a major factor in the schizophrenic-like way many of their constituents are acting.

“Dangling a carrot and then snatching it back and eating it yourself just creates unnecessary stress on a group of people who are already just hanging by a thread,” said Bush.

“Look, I’m gonna run, or shall I say, I’m thinking about running. But if I don’t, it just means I made up my mind not to run. But you can probably count me in at the last minute if I decide to run,” and with that he settled back in his camo-design hammock behind a large palmetto tree. 

Koch Brothers Paying Gingrich to Run to Make Romney More Palatable

Seems these days no one wants to be in Newt Gingrich’s shoes and the only ones convinced that he should be our next President are himself and a handbag of Tea Party nutwings like Hermain Cain and Sarah Palin. Gingrich isn’t a stupid man, so it begs the question why does he continue to show up at rallies and declare himself the best man for the job?

Money. It always comes down to money. While it cannot be confirmed (in any real sense of the word in a meaningful way), some sources close to the Romney camp are saying things like “Let’s just say the money is on Mitt but the real money is on Gingrich.”  What?

Translation: The Koch Brothers are doing everything in their power to make their candidate, Mitt Romney look like the only option, including throwing money at the Gingrich campaign to keep Newt on the trail, spouting his ridiculous promises.

“The moon thing was my idea,” says David Koch. “I about laughed my ass off when I saw Newt up there telling America he was gonna put a colony on the moon if he was President.”

“He’s a smart man, but he’s so, so gullible,” chimed in Charles Koch. “I just love it when he tells folks how he’s responsible for keeping the Republican Party intact. That is just priceless,” said Charles. “Everyone knows it’s Koch money that is assuring the Republican Party’s success. Without us, the GOP would just be the same old boring song and dance, but when we jazzed it up with a little Tea Party dissent, it sparkled.”

Meanwhile, there are rumors in the Romney camp that Mitt is getting a bit anxious about actually becoming President. “I keep hearing rumors that being President means you actually have to roll up your sleeves and get your hands dirty occasionally,” said Mitt. “Wonder if it is too late to back out and just let Gingrich have the job.”

Sarah Palin Jumps into Race to Save GOP

Today Sarah Palin is a hero to all the folks who have lost interest in their beloved GOP. She announced at a local Joplin, MO diner that she was indeed going to join in the race to become the GOP’s presidential nominee.

“We’d lost all hope,” said John Franklin, husband of Hope Franklin, no relation to the word hope in this sentence. “From Herman Cain, to Rick Perry to the present day sweetheart, Newt Gingrich, we Tea Party members have not yet felt any connection to a candidate like we did Sarah Palin. With Sarah back in the race, we are going to win all the way to the white house,” said Franklin.

Cheers went up when Sarah entered the Sweets n’ Eats Diner on the outskirts of Joplin, famous for its fresh strawberry pie. “I just love fresh strawberry pie,” said Sarah as she and husband Todd took a stool and sat through a meal of meat loaf and mashed taters, finishing off with a slice of the famous pie, albeit made with frozen strawberries as strawberry season is over.

Palin then told the crowd that no matter if something is served in season or out of season, “as long as you are famous for it, you have to serve it up,” and that is what she is doing by jumping back into the race. Palin also said she was tired of watching a bunch of amateurs vie for votes that she knows she could easily get just by showing up in Iowa. “I’m like that slice of strawberry pie.” said Palin, “You know you shouldn’t but you just can’t resist.”

Upon hearing the news, Historian Newt Gingrich commented, “She can’t do that can she?”

Sarah Palin Denies Having the Hots for Jesus as a Teen

John the Baptist(Poster Hanging On Sarah Palin's Wall
as a Teen)

In his newly released book Deer in the Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin’s Crosshairs, Levi Johnston doesn’t pull any punches. Johnston paints an even uglier picture of the woman that would someday be President of the United States than writer Joe McGinnis in his book The Rogue: Searching for the Real Sarah Palin.

Palin has come out swinging on both guys as she hotly contests the contents of each book, calling both authors flat-out liars.

Zeroing in on Johnston, Palin categorically denied she had the hots for Jesus as a teen. Appearing at a recent fundraiser held by the Christian Crusaders Coalition of Cackleberry, South Carolina, Palin remarked on this particular claim.

“Sure, like all my Christian girlfriends, I thought he was pretty cute,” she said of Jesus, “and I have to say that John the Baptist was ruggedly handsome in an Alaskan wilderness sort of way. But saying I had a crush on Jesus, well, that’s just going a bit far.” Palin did admit, however, that instead of hanging the usual pop idol posters in her bedroom during her teen years, her walls were plastered with photos of Jesus and John the Baptist.

“Oh goodness no, it wasn’t because they had long hair and beards and looked like Kenny Loggins,” said Palin. “They were just good saintly men who just happened to have a heapin’ helpin’ of handsomeness.”

Palin did claim that she tried like heck to get her husband, Todd, to grow his hair long when they started dating. “It was a no go,” she said. “I had to settle for Todd looking more like Robert Goulet than Jesus.”

Top Reason Republicans are Secretly Afraid of Sarah Palin

A new book out by Joe McGinnis entitled The Rogue: Searching for the Real Sarah Palin has everyone from Wasilla to Washington abuzz over the woman who would have everyone think she is most likely the best person in the world to run the United States. But the buzz is not good. Evidently, the book points out very clearly that those closest to Palin are the ones who hate her the most.

According to those Alaskans who know her best, getting Sarah mad is not a smart thing to do. Seems just about every Republican who has come in contact with her knows this, swears she can’t be trusted, and seems to be doing everything in their power to see that she doesn’t run for, or get elected to, the office of President of the United States.

Why? Simple. “She is the epitome of a high school sophomore bitch,” claims one high-ranking Republican who wished to remain anonymous. “Sarah Palin can spread false lies and rumors faster than anyone I’ve ever known and that makes us fellow Republicans very, very nervous.” In fact, those that know her say she puts MCGinnis to shame when it comes to spreading lies and innuendo.

A source close to Palin confirms this tidbit about ‘Sarah the Barracuda.’ “While all of the other Republican candidates are busy boning up on things like American history, current events, even learning how to pronounce unpronounceable names of world leaders, Sarah is doing her homework too, albeit on much different subjects.”

According to the unidentified source, Sarah Palin takes the term ‘boning up’ to a whole new level. “Sarah is rooting around in her opponents’ closets to find skeletons that she can use against them. To her, it’s so much easier to destroy an opponent’s reputation than to have to compete with them intellectually.”

This is exactly what Sarah Palin did when she held public office in Alaska. She destroyed her opponents by filing complaints against them and publicly challenging some of the most loved and respected Republicans in Alaska [see Ted Stevens]. This type of political back-stabbing has put Republicans on high alert and has many working around the clock to scrub any of their own personal records that might remotely hint at impropriety.

While Rick Perry claims he could care less about “some little missy from Wasissy” as he put it, rumor is that Palin is hot on his tail. Palin was recently caught wondering out loud “Don’tcha think that Rick Perry is handsome?” she was overheard saying. “I can’t help but wonder with someone that good lookin’ he must have at least one or two mistresses out there who would just love to tell their side of the story.”

Newt Gingrich Challenges Michele Bachmann to Mud Wrestling Match

Just hours after Michele Bachmann told a supporter that the media would love to see a mud wrestling match between her and Sarah Palin, Bachmann’s phone began ringing off the hook.

But it wasn’t supporters congratulating her on her hard stand telling liberals they weren’t gonna get their wish. Surprisingly, it was Newt Gingrich calling to see if there were a chance Michele would wrestle him instead.

Insiders claim that as soon as Gingrich saw news reports of Bachmann telling folks she wasn’t going to mud wrestle Sarah Palin, he was visibly upset. But, they say, the more he thought about it, the more he realized this might be a golden opportunity for him to get into that act.

“Newt’s always said that the thing he loves best about politics is the fact that you can get down and dirty with your opponents,” said Ham String, Newt’s closest adviser. “I could see the light bulb going off over Newt’s head when he realized that there was a possibility of a mud wrestling match between himself and Michele Bachmann.”

Of course, Bachmann’s camp claims not only is Michele not considering a mud wrestling match with any of her opponents, but in regards to Newt Gingrich in particular, she already has a plan in place to get a restraining order against him should he show up at her home with bags of dirt, a hose and a diamond tennis bracelet.

Palin Getting Passed Around Like ‘Moonshine at a Hoedown’

Fur started to fly Monday afternoon just hours after Michele Bachmann publicly announced that Sarah Palin would be her top choice for VP in the 2012 presidential elections. This announcement came on the heels of her expected announcement to officially seek the GOP nomination for President in 2012.

When a reporter asked her, “Do you have any clue whom you might want to run alongside you if you do get the GOP nod?” Bachmann didn’t hesitate.

“Oh, that’s an easy one,” she said smiling. “I want Sarah Palin to be my Vice President.” When asked why, Bachmann answered “Well, for one thing, she’s experienced in that area, you know, been there, done that, not to mention the fact that she looks incredible in that red leather jacket.”

Asked if Bachmann thought Palin was better prepared to be VP this time around, she replied, “Don’t really care. If you remember back in 2008, it didn’t matter much when she was running with John [McCain], so I’m not really worried. I think I can carry the ticket for the both of us.”

News spread fast and just a half hour later, Sarah Palin appeared at her own press conference in Iowa with some choice words for Bachmann. “Michele Bachmann is out of her freakin’ mind,” adding, “Well, not totally out of her mind, I guess. She did choose me. But thanks, no thanks Michele. I got better things to do with my time.”

Word travels fast, and almost as soon as she announced her choice for VP, Bachmann recanted her offer. “What an ungrateful b-word. I made a mistake. Palin is so off my presidential ticket.”

Meanwhile, 4 out of the 7 GOP hopefuls have already sent letters to Palin asking if she would consider running as their vice president. Tim Pawlenty allegedly told Bachmann, “Look Michele, if you don’t want her, I’ll take her.”

All this back and forth adds to the rumors that Palin is being passed around between serious Republican candidates like moonshine at a hoe down. This leads to even more rumors that this time around, no one is taking Sarah Palin seriously as a presidential candidate, including Palin herself as she's been quoted more than once saying “I’ve got better things to do with my time.”

Can Newt Gingrich Stay Out of Trouble with Bachmann and Palin in GOP Race

In order for Newt Gingrich to be able to compete in a widening field of candidates for the GOP Presidential nomination, he’s had to come clean about his past womanizing. While no one is really buying his excuse that his passion for his country led him to act inappropriately at times, that very passion may just be his downfall again if Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin continue their individual quests for the same nomination.

It’s cost Newt a half million in jewelry so far to keep his wife Callista happy. Image how much more it’s gonna cost if he spends too much time on the campaign trail bumping into those two conservative sirens. Many are asking if he’ll be able to tame his passion in view of the fact that both women are reasonably attractive and both claim to be extremely patriotic themselves. The temptation may prove to be too much for Newt.

Actually, during Monday’s GOP debate where several close ups caught Gingrich appearing just a little too happy to be situated next to Michele Bachmann, bets were already on that he’s looking to extend his line of credit at Tiffany’s.

Ann Coulter Hides Huge Secret on Piers Morgan Tonight

Ann Coulter appeared on Piers Morgan Tonight last night and, while she was her usual abrasive self when it came to all things political, she would not give an inch when Piers tried to pry some personal information out of her.

An impromptu survey after the show was sent to 300 viewers who were asked their opinion of why Ann Coulter was so coy when it came to her personal life. It was surprising to find out that 57% of those polled believed it was because Coulter doesn’t want anyone to find out about a gay lover.

Sarah Palin Has ‘Todd’ Tattoo Removed

Where 'Todd' Used to Be

In yet another breaking story from an undisclosed source that the Palins are divorcing, a supposed cosmetic surgeon in Phoenix has neither confirmed nor denied that she performed a tattoo removal for Sarah Palin. But sources close to the sometimes on again, sometimes off again presidential candidate confirm that indeed, the ‘Todd’ tattoo Sarah got in college has been removed.

“This is just one more indication that the Palins are headed for Splitsville,” said Carrie Cassowary, the undisclosed source mentioned above, whom no one is certain even writes for the Globe.

Cassowary goes on to state that the tattoo ‘1^st Dude’ on Sarah’s upper right shoulder blade is staying. “It’s generic enough that it doesn’t require removal and may just come in handy come November 2012.” 

Sarah Palin Totally Baffled on New England History Tour

As Sarah Palin wound down her One Nation tour of New England, one thing was abundantly clear to all who came in contact with her. She needed a lesson or two in the history department.

From the Liberty Bell to the Statue of Liberty, Sarah Palin uttered the same phrase over and over again—“I did not know that,” leaving some to wonder if this trip she was taking was a way to get her up to speed on American History in case she does make up her mind to run for President.

Kate Gosselin Prefers Camping Down Under to Palin’s Alaska

It took mere seconds into the filming of a camping trip in Australia for Kate Gosselin of Kate Plus 8 to make it quite clear that the outdoors she and the kiddies experienced in Australia was far superior and way more enjoyable than that introduced to them in Alaska as guests of Sarah Palin.

“Finally,” said Gosselin after climbing out of her spacious tent in the Outback, “I can show the world that I’m not a sniveling, whining princess who can’t survive in the wilderness.” The fact that she had her own toilet tent, something other than leaves to wipe herself, and her own personal entourage of make-up artists and hair stylists tagging along, didn’t hurt. Not to mention, the only bears she needed to fear in this environment were cuddly koalas.

What Gosselin didn’t bring up was the fact that when told she’d be going on another camping trip with the kids, she threw a royal fit and threatened to quit the show, something she does quite regularly no matter the destination, save perhaps Hawaii. This time though, she claimed it was justified. “You ever sat around a campfire chewing on masticated whale blubber and having to act all friendly like with a woman whose voice makes you want to throw yourself off an ice floe?”

However, as always, she was reminded that the show pays for her lifestyle, and with that, she begrudgingly picked up her Gucci backpack and stomped toward the limo waiting to whisk her and her offspring to the outback in style, stopping only once to get in a quick tanning session in anticipation of making it to the beach after a few days of roughing it.

Reporters caught up with Sarah Palin to ask her what she thought about Kate’s adventures camping in Australia. “Sure, who wouldn’t love 80 degree sunny weather with hunky outback guys carrying your 18-piece Gucci luggage all over the place for you?” then said, “Now excuse me. I have work to do. This bear isn’t gonna skin itself.”

Rupert Murdoch Warns Sarah Palin and Roger Ailes to Play Nice

Rupert Murdoch is the first to admit that he hires strong personalities, and it is sometimes hard to reel them in. When they are good, they are very, very good, but when they are bad they are horrid. That is exactly what is happening in the case of Roger Ailes and Sarah Palin.

Lately, Murdoch has spent more time writing e-mails to the two telling them to play nice than he’d like to. In fact, he’s said more than once that if he could get away with it, he’d treat both of them just like his own kids. “Ailes would get a size 10 up his arse and I’d put Sarah across my knee.”

The latest row just doesn’t seem to want to go away. Sarah Palin was told by Ailes to lay low after the Tuscon shootings, but Palin didn’t heed his warning. Instead, some say she was testing Ailes when she went ahead with her “blood libel” video, which, by the way, no one really got anyway, including Palin.

“Oh, I could have stayed in Alaska for a week or two until the darned Tuscon thingie blew over,” said Palin, “but I just love getting under Roger’s skin. He’s just so easy to tease. Heck, they explained blood libel to me a couple times and I still didn’t get it, but it sure sounded like something that would rile a few folks up and keep me in the spotlight, so I said, ‘what the heck? Let’s do it!’”

Meanwhile, Roger Ailes is said to have come very close to firing Palin after that video. “We’ve put up with her inability to comprehend basic geography, but now she’s showing just how uneducated she is in all subjects, including history and, what should be her best subject, politics,” says Ailes.

“Every time I tell Rupert that she’s just doing these things to make me look stupid, he tells me to shut up and pay her. If I didn’t make so much money now, I’d blow this popsicle stand and go to work for NPR.” Then he added, “Nah, never in a million years. I hear they have to beg for their checks every week. That would suck.”

Meanwhile, rumors have it that Palin is working on her next video to get Ailes riled up. Something about how monkeys could run Fox News. Can’t wait to see that video.

Sarah Palin Seeks Charity to Pay for Kids’ Braces

Sarah Palin recently went on Fox News and publicly admitted that she could use some help in paying for her kids’ dental expenses. “Do you even know how much a set of braces costs these days?” asked Palin as she made her case for asking folks who impersonate her to help shoulder some of the financial burden of raising kids in today’s economy.

Palin was referring to Julianne Moore, in particular, who is slated to play Palin in the upcoming movie “Game Change.” “If I have to grit my teeth any harder on this one, I’m gonna need to see a dentist myself,” quipped Palin, as she explained that she is tired of impersonators making money off her and not seeing a dime of the profits. “If I got a dime for every Sarah or Bristol Palin joke Kathy Griffin told, I’d be a millionaire,” she said.

Sarah Palin claims that it has been hard to get health and dental insurance ever since she quit her job as governor of Alaska. “Jeez, Louise. When I was governor,” said Palin, “the sky was the limit when it came to public benefits. I loved the fact that I could get top-notch insurance for my entire family paid for by Alaskan taxpayers. Now, I’m not saying that the insurance we get from Fox News is shabby, mind you, but the deductibles and co-pays are killing me.”

Knowing now what she knew then, Palin was asked why she doesn’t give more support to the teachers in Wisconsin who have lost their ability to bargain for better health insurance benefits, Palin said “Because. We don’t live in Wisconsin.”