New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie Writes Own Song Parody

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has decided if you can’t beat them, join them. So he has written his own song parody, and is expected to perform it on the Jimmy Fallon Show Monday night, and it’s expected to outdo Jimmy’s recent parody with Bruce Springsteen. Here is a sneak preview of what you can expect.

Bridge Over Jersey Waters

(Sung to Bridge Over Troubled Waters — Simon and Garfunkel)

When I say back me
and you don’t
When my guys visit you
Don’t you slough them off

Come to my side
Or I’ll make it tough
to run your little town
There’s a bridge over Jersey waters
I will shut it down
There’s a bridge over Jersey waters
I will shut it down

When the Feds find out
What I did
I’ll lie my fool ass off
Blame it all on you

We’ll shred e-mails
And redact the rest,
Don’t put me to the test
There’s a bridge over Jersey waters
I will shut it down
There’s a bridge over Jersey waters
I will shut it down

Bet you’ll back me now
Bet you will
Cause you know Chris Christie
is headed for Capitol Hill

I’m gonna win
Yea come 2016
And if you don’t back me,
There’s a bridge over DC waters,
I will shut it down,
There’s a bridge over DC waters,
I will shut it down

New Jersey Students Regret Ratting out Bus Driver

Gangster Glen, NJ – Students from Bon Jovi High School boarded what they thought was their regular bus last Friday that takes them to school every morning, and thought nothing of it that their usual driver, Mr. Dirr, wasn’t at the wheel.

Once on their way, the students settled in for the long ride by checking their e-mails and texting their friends until one astute student too poor to own his own cell phone realized that the bus was going the wrong way. He pointed this out to his fellow students, who immediately started texting their parents and the school to alert them that the bus was being hijacked.

“We demanded the driver stop and turn around and take us back to school, but at first he wouldn’t listen. We were scared but we eventually realized that there were 37 of us and only one of him. Our threats of calling the police were enough to make him turn around and take us immediately to Bon Jovi,” said Sam Goody.

When the bus arrived back at the school, the police were there to arrest the bus driver for hijacking the bus, as well as kidnapping a minor. But the bus driver was adamant it was all just a mistake. “I showed up early to pick up a special load of kids to take them to Six Flags Great Adventure Park for Senior Day. I must have picked up the wrong group of kids. It happens.”

Upon hearing this, the students started blaming Sam Goody for the whole thing. “If he’d just had a cell phone like everyone else on the stupid bus,” said Missy Flurdy, “we’d be having the time of our lives at Six Flags right now. Thanks a lot, Sam.”

The driver was let go but all criminal charges against him were dropped. Unfortunately, no one from Bon Jovi High School made it to Six Flags that day and Sam Goody’s reputation as a loser has grown exponentially.