Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Vegas Flooded with Leftover America’s Got Talent Contestants

Bad news for America’s Got Talent contestants who find themselves in Vegas with no chance of going on to Hollywood and no chance of getting a plane ticket home either—America’s Got Talent overshot its budget and can’t pay for return tickets. “I just don’t know how this could have happened,” said a tearful Sharon Osborne as she was getting into her luxury SUV holding her uber expensive pet dog. “I do hope they find a way home. Such a pity,” she said to no one in particular as she drove off to catch a flight back home herself.

“Ok,” said Jerry Sprinkler who, along with his his seven kids all were shipped to Vegas to appear in the next round of auditions but were told they just weren’t good enough before even being able to go on stage again. “So the “Tippy-Toe Tappers didn’t float the judges’ boats, I can understand that. But how am I gonna get these kids back to Tennessee?” Similar stories are being told all over Las Vegas.

Casino owners have put signs in their windows “Not Hiring” to keep out the hundreds of singers, dancers and accordion players who still think they have what it takes to make it in Vegas. “There’s been a rash of dash ‘n dines” said one police officer who was called to the same restaurant seven times last night to try and catch hungry performers who were left penniless and desperate, resorting to theft in order to get a decent meal.

The only performers left behind who seem to be making it ok without the extra help are the dozens of illegal immigrants who came to the show hoping to just “blend in” and get a free ride to Vegas where they could hop off and “disappear” into mainstream America without much thought. “It pays to have a half-way decent singing voice,” claims Adalwolf Novak, a lounge singer from the Czech Republic, who auditioned in Chicago just one day after narrowly escaping an INS raid on the restaurant he was working in. “I am now going to find a nice little dive here in Vegas where I can hopefully get some employment doing what I love to do best,” he said.

Unfortunately, it won’t be so easy for the Tippy-Toe Tappers of Tuscarawas, Tennessee.

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