Sunday, July 3, 2011

Glenn Beck Trades Fancy Fox Set for Soapbox and Bullhorn

Last week, Glenn Beck hosted his last show on the Fox News Network. While he won’t admit he was fired for his lack of ability to tone down the batshit crazy rhetoric he is so famous for, he does say that his firing has opened a new doorway to allow him to get his message out to the people on a more personal level.

Holding an impromptu press conference immediately after leaving Fox, Beck welcomed the chance to try out his new method of delivering his message. “I’ve decided it is time to get back to my roots,” said Beck, as he put a makeshift soapbox on the ground, stepped up on it and began speaking through a bullhorn.

“Don’t weep for me, faithful Beckkies. This is not the end. It is just the beginning. I welcome the change that Roger [Ailes] has offered me. The ability to walk away from a lucrative salary and just hit the streets with our founding fathers’ message.

Beck told the three or four people who had gathered to watch him leave the Fox News premises that he has been busy writing a series of speeches entitled “The Soapbox Diaries,” and intends to give the speeches in various cities throughout America, reaching as many patriots as he can one-by-one.

“Hell, if it’s good enough for the hallelujah boys on the street corners, then it’s sure as hell good enough for me,” Beck shouted, alluding to that fact that he was now left with nothing more than an opinion. With that, Beck stepped back down off the soapbox and started to leave.

One bystander asked Beck if he’ll miss the bright lights and big corporate news set, not to mention his giant blackboard. Beck stepped back up on the soapbox and responded through his bullhorn, “It’s not about appearing in front of a television camera and reaching millions of viewers; it’s not even about having fancy props like giant blackboards and a whole new box of colored chalk. It’s about going into neighborhoods and shouting at the top of my lungs, “Give me back my liberty,” he said. “You just can’t do that in a studio. Believe me, I tried. They told me to pipe down.”

At which time, one of Roger Ailes’ assistants approached Beck demanding he surrender the Coke crate and bullhorn he’d taken from the Fox News prop room.

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