Ryan Loses it; Tells Romney to Walk Like a Man

Paul Ryan told his boss, Mitt Romney to walk like a man Friday after having had enough of watching the Mittster walk “like a baby” to and from podiums all over America. 

“You have no swagger whatsoever,” said Ryan, yelling to Mitt as he walked awkwardly toward the stage. 

“How freakin’ hard is it to get from point A to point B?” he said as he muffled a scream.

“You look like you’ve been holding it in since the elections began,” Ryan added as his exasperation with Romney exploded.

Ryan then began to walk in exaggeratedly large steps, swinging his arms up and down to prove his point. 

“Look,” he said. “Watch and learn,” as Ryan then placed his hands on his hips and did his best impression of his hero, John Wayne.

“See the difference? See it? It’s like night and day, am I right?” said Ryan in a fevered pitch.

At that point in time, one of Ryan’s closest aides sidled alongside Ryan and whispered something in his ear.

“For cripes sakes, guys…why didn’t you tell me the cameras were rolling and we actually had a crowd this time!”