Thursday, September 6, 2012

Chris Matthews Goes Nuts Over Democrat Announcement

The Democratic Party has been overwhelmed with the success of its National Convention in Charlotte, NC this week. In fact, reports have it even some Republicans are trying to get in on the Hope and Change train after watching President Clinton give a rousing speech in favor of re-electing President Obama.

“It’s a success beyond our wildest dreams,” gushed Debbie Wasserman Schultz as she was caught rushing off to her hotel room in hopes of a good night’s sleep ahead of Thursday’s events.

“Before I let you go, though,” said Schultz, “I’m gonna let you in on a little secret. We are making plans right now to hold mini-conventions in all the swing states every week leading up to the election.”

When Chris Matthews of MSNBC caught wind of the plans, he was said to be giddy with joy.

“Ooh, I hope they keep up the attack,” he said. “I’ve never seen the Democrats so fired up,” he marveled. “It’s like they took my advice and ran with it,” said Matthews appearing to take credit for the Democrats actually “growing a spine.”

Matthews’ best moment came a night earlier when, at the end of Gov. Deval Patrick’s speech, the news anchor was caught on camera appearing to do a fake swoon and then jumping up out of his seat.

“Tonight, Gov. Deval Patrick (D-Mass) hit it out of the park,” screamed Matthews, jabbing his fists like a boxer and asking someone to queue the Rocky theme.

Because the plan has just been hatched, Schultz was short on details. She would say that people will be lined up around the block to participate.

“We won’t have as many recognized politicians to speak at the these events,” said Schultz, “But we will have more of the same schoolteachers, nuns, former Bain Capital employees, and women not the least bit embarrassed to talk about their uteruses, telling their stories about how really important it is to re-elect President Obama.”

Asked how he will keep up with the schedule, Matthews replied “Don’t you worry about me. You just keep ‘em comin’ and I’ll find a way,” as he took another shot of Red Bull in his MSNBC mug before asking his guests for a group hug. 

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