Monday, July 20, 2009

Kiddie Mafia Arrested

Philadelphia, PA – Seven children all from the same neighborhood were arrested last week on racketeering charges for maintaining the only lemonade stands within their township, and operating them without a permit. It started out innocently enough, but when the kids told their schoolmate, Timmy McFadden, he couldn’t have a lemonade stand on the next street corner, things got ugly.

They started going door-to-door telling neighbors to buy their lemonade “or else.” One of the neighbors, who refused to be identified and who has since changed her name, said she called the police to report the threats. The kingpin of the LH Gang (for “lemonhead”), is Donnie “Squeezer” Carmine. Dressed in a tank top and loose-fitting skate shorts, Donnie doesn’t remind you of a slick businessman, but when he starts to sell his lemonade, you know he means business. “Yeah, getcha lemonade right here, made with 100% real lemons and sugar, a sweet treat in the summer heat…”

Cops arrested the entire gang and held them in detention for several hours. However, upon hearing of the arrests, the Deputy Chief met with them, and later released them saying it was all a misunderstanding. Meanwhile, the Deputy Chief can now be seen driving a new Ford Mustang and the kids have opened up three more stands.

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