Donald Trump: Kim Jong Un Would Make Awesome Vice President

...that little guy scares the crap outta me, and that's the kind of guy we need

Speaking on Meet the Press this morning, the Donald was again in rare form as he used his particular brand of "shock politics" to keep his lead in the race for the GOP nomination for President.

When pressed on his comments as to whom he would choose as his running mate, he confirmed that he wouldn't rule out former pro wrestler and Minnesota Governor, Jesse Ventura, or television mogul, Oprah Winfrey, if either of them took him up on his deal.

"Hell, ideally, I'd love to ask N. Korea leader Kim Jong Un to run alongside me, but there are rules in place, and I guess, rightfully so, that say anyone running for the two top spots in the country have to be from this country.

"Fair enough," said Trump, "but ideally, yeah, I think Kim has the kahoonies to be a great Vice President. He sure as hell wouldn't take any lip from anyone, except me of course because I'd be his boss, but if  you ask me straight up, that little guy scares the crap outta me, and that's the kind of guy we need in the 2nd highest office in the country."

Asked, then, if he scared the crap out of himself, Trump looked a bit bewildered and said "Well, no,
Chuck, I don't scare the crap out of myself, but I'm pretty sure I'm scaring the crap out of all those guys, oh, and one gal, excuse me, who are running against me in this election."

Trump then went on to talk about race in this country.

"Let's talk about getting this country back, ok? Like for instance, just say, for the sake of argument, I was born in Hell's Kitchen, which I might have been, but for the sake of argument, I was born in Hell's Kitchen. I think that's enough to get the black vote don't you think?"

To which Chuck Todd replied, "Well, I'm pretty sure you weren't born in Hell's Kitchen, Mr. Trump."

Trump then replied, "but if I was born in Kenya…" and trailed off.

Kim Jong Un Hopes to Replace North Korean Meteorologists with Jim Cantore

Jim Cantore Reporting Live From North Korea

Supreme Leader Kim Jong un was hopping mad this week when, for the umpteenth time, his national hydro-meteorological scientists gave an erroneous prediction.

"You said it was going to snow!" the enraged leader shouted to the weather scientists.

"Look at me! Look at me! I am dressed for snow. I had my skis waxed. I was ready for a downhill run, and it is 80 degrees and sunny outside. I cannot go outside in the sun. it will ruin my porcelain skin. Make it snow! Make it snow right now," the leader screamed.

The scientists tried to reason with Kim Jong un, saying while they apologize for the error, they simply could not fix the problem, blaming their errors on poor equipment the state has had for decades.

"We have heard that other countries have something called dumplings radar, and if we had dumplings radar, maybe we could predict the weather better," said one unidentified meteorologist charged with the task of going outside each morning, looking up into the sky, and determining what the weather will be like for the next 24-hour period.

"It was freezing out this morning," he said. "Of course, I assumed it was cold enough to snow."

Jong un told the meteorologist his weather forecasting skills were lacking.

"You know what? You are all fired. I want Jim Cantore. Weather Channel always make me laugh. Jim Cantore always in panic. I like Jim Cantore. Get me Jim Cantore," demanded the stubby little dictator.

All attempts by Un's staff to reach Cantore have so far failed. Asked what he thought of the ridiculous notion that a leader of a closed-off country could just get whatever he wanted, Cantore was understanding.

"He's short. I get that. I'm not the tallest guy either. Of course, I'm much taller than him. He's just having a short-guy hissy fit. We all do. He'll get over it. But no, I'm not interested in living in North Korea anytime soon. Their weather is too boring," said Cantore, who was readying himself to fly into the eye of Hurricane Cristina in the Pacific Ocean in a small, single-engine Piper Cub.

Dennis Rodman Found Drunk Face Down in Pyongyang Alley

Dennis Rodman is alive and, at present, sober after being found face down in a small mud puddle in an alleyway adjacent to the Pyongyang stadium where he sang "Happy Birthday" to N. Korean leader Kim Jong Un on Wednesday.

Sources close to Rodman claim the washed up basketball player drank heavily the night of his birthday tribute. Rodman found out the hard way that in North Korea, if you drink heavily, you are on your own, regardless of whether or not you resemble Marilyn Monroe in any way.

No one, especially the leader, would speak to Rodman after his 15th shot of Andong soju (a distilled liquor from the city of the same name), and Un ordered Rodman be stripped naked (Un is said to have an affinity for the 50+ Rodman's rock-hard abs) and left alone to wander the streets of Pyongyang.

Un then advised his soldiers that if Rodman found his way to Un's supreme bedroom, they were to leave the two alone so that Rodman could rest. A "do not disturb" sign was hastily scribbled on the back of a Korean take-out box and placed on Un's door. Un's wife was ordered to sleep on the supreme couch that evening.

However, Rodman never made it back to the supreme palace and instead, was found naked and semi-conscious in the alleyway still singing parts of the birthday song, changing it only slightly to indicate he was wishing himself a happy birthday and not the Supreme Leader.

Rodman was finally brought to the only hospital in Pyongyang, where he was ordered to vomit or be killed. Rodman reportedly vomited and is now confirmed to be sober enough to realize he may be in serious trouble with the Supreme Leader if he doesn't come up with a quick basketball analogy to explain his actions over the past few days.

Dennis Rodman Fails to Arrive at Kim Jong Un Palace

Where is that Wascally Wodman?

Pyongyang, N. Korea - Dennis Rodman reportedly sent a look-alike imposter in his place to supreme leader, Kim Jong Un's palace Thursday. The leader of N. Korea is said to be hopping mad and may be readying the execution squad yet another time this month.

"He promise he come back see me, bring many, many good basketball player. He no show up," Jong Un was quoted as saying after throwing a lavish party consisting of the one chicken left in the state larders, along with two cucumbers and a spaghetti squash left over from the summer harvest.

In addition, the supreme leader had ordered the state chef to open a bottle of bootleg Colt 45 for the occasion, which Un ended up drinking himself after finding out his dinner guest was an imposter.

Forced to sit across from each other at the dining table, which was actually two T.V. trays pushed together, Un would not look directly into the imposter's eyes as they each reached for the last chicken leg at the same time.

Said Un, "You know how I know this Dennis Rodman  imposter? I tell you. He know I like chicken leg best. He know I kill him if he take last chicken leg. He always leave last chicken leg for me. I stab him with fork but he still take last chicken leg. He imposter. He must die."

So far, no one has been able to determine the fate of the imposter, who, obviously failed to do his homework before accepting the dangerous assignment.

Meanwhile, Dennis Rodman is still in hiding according to his friends who claim that he (Rodman) has finally admitted he has come to realize just how volatile the little leader is and issued this statement through his agent:

"Man, everyone told me that little dude was crazy but I never knew how crazy until last week when out of nowhere he offs his own uncle," said Rodman.

"I ain't takin' no chances until he assures me he won't kill me too," said the pot (Rodman), who is beginning to realize all too well the hypocrisy of his calling this North Korean kettle black.

Dennis Rodman Missing After Jang Song Thaek's Execution

Although the mainstream media is reporting that Dennis Rodman is still planning on traveling to North Korea next week to begin training North Korea's basketball team, no one close to Rodman has seen him since the execution of Kim Jong Un's uncle, Jang Song Thaek today.

Friends close to Rodman claim that he has not been heard from since early this morning, and his own personal trainer says he did not show up at the gym as usual this afternoon.

His closest friends can only speculate that Rodman made public his renewed commitment to travel to North Korea this upcoming Monday following the execution in order to remain on the good side of the quick-tempered Jong Un.

How long Rodman will remain in hiding is anyone's guess.

"He got in over his head on this one," said one friend identified only as "Dunker." Dunker said the last time he talked to Rodman, which was last week for a game of one-on-one, Rodman didn't appear as biggety as normal.

"He was all quiet like, you know, he had something on his mind, and he played a terrible game that day."

Dunker remembers though, there was something else about Rodman.

"Something he said to me kinda curdled my blood. He said he knew something was going down and he'd probably have to leave town for awhile, but he wouldn't say what it was."

And now after the execution, Dunker was asked, "Do you think it was the execution? That Dennis Rodman knew about the execution and was asked to keep quiet until it was carried out?"

"Worse," said Dunker. "He might just be the next one to be executed," Dunker predicted.

Asked why he thought Kim Jong Un would want to execute his best friend in the whole world, Dunker confided.

"Well, imagine you are Dennis, who, after all, has not led a very saintly existence and you just hear that your North Korean friend has executed his favorite childhood uncle for the charge of leading a 'capitalist decadent lifestyle...a dissolute, depraved life, squandered money...,' etc. Need me to go on?"