Donald Trump: Kim Jong Un Would Make Awesome Vice President

...that little guy scares the crap outta me, and that's the kind of guy we need

Speaking on Meet the Press this morning, the Donald was again in rare form as he used his particular brand of "shock politics" to keep his lead in the race for the GOP nomination for President.

When pressed on his comments as to whom he would choose as his running mate, he confirmed that he wouldn't rule out former pro wrestler and Minnesota Governor, Jesse Ventura, or television mogul, Oprah Winfrey, if either of them took him up on his deal.

"Hell, ideally, I'd love to ask N. Korea leader Kim Jong Un to run alongside me, but there are rules in place, and I guess, rightfully so, that say anyone running for the two top spots in the country have to be from this country.

"Fair enough," said Trump, "but ideally, yeah, I think Kim has the kahoonies to be a great Vice President. He sure as hell wouldn't take any lip from anyone, except me of course because I'd be his boss, but if  you ask me straight up, that little guy scares the crap outta me, and that's the kind of guy we need in the 2nd highest office in the country."

Asked, then, if he scared the crap out of himself, Trump looked a bit bewildered and said "Well, no,
Chuck, I don't scare the crap out of myself, but I'm pretty sure I'm scaring the crap out of all those guys, oh, and one gal, excuse me, who are running against me in this election."

Trump then went on to talk about race in this country.

"Let's talk about getting this country back, ok? Like for instance, just say, for the sake of argument, I was born in Hell's Kitchen, which I might have been, but for the sake of argument, I was born in Hell's Kitchen. I think that's enough to get the black vote don't you think?"

To which Chuck Todd replied, "Well, I'm pretty sure you weren't born in Hell's Kitchen, Mr. Trump."

Trump then replied, "but if I was born in Kenya…" and trailed off.

Ellen DeGeneres Files Petition to Change Name to Ellen the Generous

With Christmas just a couple months away, everyone is wondering what Ellen will be giving away this year during her “Twelve Days of Giveaways.” Oh there will certainly be lots of gift cards for everything from fancy chocolates to wine and flowers, not to mention big-screen televisions, iPads and the occasional automobile, but the one thing Ellen wants to give herself is a name change.

A Los Angeles County Court official has leaked the news to the press that Ellen DeGeneres wants to change her name to “Ellen the Generous” to memorialize just how giving a person she is.

While some believe this is a bit of an egotistical move on Ellen’s part, Ellen disagrees. “Hey, how many people do you know who have made it big in this business are willing to give something back to their fans? Not many, I can tell you that,” she said. “I don’t think it is wrong to want to take credit where credit is due in light of the enormous amount of money I’ve spent to get to this point.”

Ellen says that instead of going on her show and tooting her own horn all the time, she thinks she’d like to just let her name say it all. “Ellen the Generous,” she said. “I mean, it’s not like you have to learn any new sounds or anything.” Ellen claims that once the name change is in place the only other thing on her list of to do’s is to find one of those capes with fur (fake of course) around the collar, a big red puffy velvet crown, and a large over-sized throne for her television show stage. “A regal name needs some regal props,” she said.

DeGeneres said that she has advised Oprah to change her name as well. “She’s the one who started this whole gift-giving deal on talk shows.” said Ellen. “I think she deserves a name change as well.”

When asked what she thinks Oprah should change her name to, Ellen noted had an answer almost immediately. “Well that’s a no-brainer,” she said. “It would be Oprah Win Free, duh.”