Friday, May 30, 2014

David Schwimmer Offered Starring Role in Revamped CSI Series

Producers of the CBS hit series CSI: NY, which was cancelled last year, have announced today that they are willing to breathe new life into the show based solely on the heroics of actor David Schwimmer, a resident of New York.

Schwimmer, known for his role as Ross Geller on the NBC hit television sitcom Friends, was said to be over the moon about being offered the starring role over Gary Sinese, the former star of CSI: NY just days after news reports indicated he helped NY police solve a real, not televised, stabbing incident in a building adjacent to his.

When the dispute erupted, Geller says he was sitting in his apartment, watching re-runs of Friends, and eating funyuns, when he heard loud yelling near his building. He says he was lucky enough, when Friends ended, to talk the show's producers into letting him keep the telescope featured on the show. He claims there is a lot you can see from his windows.

When asked what, Geller replied, "Oh you know, hookers, and pimps, drug deals, your everyday stuff. Cute girls heading out in the mornings for bagels and schmear. Regular stuff."

But this particular incident was different. That telescope helped Geller realize something pretty heinous was going on next door.

"Scared the living daylights out of me," said Geller, "but, you know, I had my iPhone with me, and decided to just bound down the stairs and get a video of the action."

The dispute, caught on surveillance tape, shows three individuals arguing, when one of the individuals pulled out a knife and stabbed another person in the face.

Geller's actions did not go unnoticed by the police, the press, or television producers of the CSI series.

Ben Burbank, one of the executive producers of CSI: NY, said his first instinct was let sleeping dogs lie, when told of the stabbing incident and heroics of mild mannered, Ross Geller, er, David Schwimmer, but the more he thought about it, he thought, why not bring the CSI:NY series back, call it CSI: Metropolis, and make it a cross between a real crime scene investigative show and add a little Superman touch to it.

Schwimmer says at first he balked at the offer saying he looked terrible in glasses, but after re-thinking it, said "what the heck. I'm not doing anything right now," and latched onto the offer with both hands.

Word on the street is that producers are trying to get Jennifer Aniston to sign on as a Lois Lane character in the show, but there is no word yet if she is willing to take the part.

"Having Aniston reprise her role as the love interest of Geller would definitely add something to the new CSI series," said the show's official spokesperson.

Filming of the new series CSI: Metropolis is set to begin sometime in August, and will hopefully air on CBS, schedule permitting.

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