“Herman Cain is a Dapper Dan,” said Herman Cain at a recent appearance before a group of millionaires who don’t care who he’s banging as long as he keeps their best interests to heart.
“Herman Cain can’t help it if sexy blondes throw themselves at Herman Cain,” said Cain as he once again denied ever acting inappropriately toward any females while CEO of the National Restaurant Association.
“Herman Cain is snappy dresser, plain and simple, but he (Herman Cain) is worn out with all the attention he gets from being so suave and debonair,” said Cain as he appeared very comfortable wearing an expensive cashmere sweater vest under an equally expensive charcoal grey double-breasted suit.
“Herman Cain’s wife, while very understanding, is just a tad angry at the fact that she married such a handsome devil who women just can’t keep their eyes off of, even at Herman Cain’s age,” said the presidential candidate as he stepped away from the podium and rubbed closely against a tall blonde woman who was standing in the audience.
“I just came to ask Mr. Cain a few questions for my local newspaper,” said Sally Sweetwater, “but I guess I bit off more than I could chew, standing so close to where Mr. Cain was to exit the podium.” Sweetwater says she can’t understand how all this got so out of hand, however.
“While he does dress pretty snappy, there is a certain smell about him that makes me wonder why any woman would want to get within ten feet of him.”