Sunday, October 9, 2011

X-Fluents Surpass Uber Rich as the Wealthiest People on Earth

They once were called the Uber Rich, the 1 or 2% of the country’s population who possess the bulk of the nation’s wealth. However, many of the wealthiest Americans have held onto so much of their money that they are now known as the X-Fluents.

“They have money coming out of their ears,” claims one financial advisor who refused to give his name. “I can’t come up with enough ways to help them spend it,” he said as he took a phone call from a client asking him to buy two dozen pair of mating minks for the sole purpose of having a coat made as a special Christmas gift for her prized Shih Tzu, Bianca.

Another of the wealthiest in the world, Countess Dorothy de von Schtook, a New York City socialite, was recently spotted alongside her chauffer testing out the new Aston Martin One-77. “Oh dahling, I simply must have at least a week’s worth of these divine Astons for my collection,” said the Countess as she asked the salesperson to “put it on my account, dear.”

Saul Goldenschwanger, a billionaire who made his fortune in the real estate and oil business, said that although he agrees the label of Uber Rich must go, he hates the fact that he will have to spend extra money on having the name on his yacht “Miss Uber Rich” re-painted. “I have no idea if the name X-Fluent is available or if it is even an appropriate name for a sea-going vessel,” said a flustered Goldenschwanger. “I do so hate these minor inconveniences.”

Fortunately, the media has already caught on to the change so that those affected won’t be offended. In fact, Goldenschwanger said he didn’t really care what they called him, “just don’t call me late for dinner,” he mused, proving that he wasn’t really all that upset after all about having his yacht re-christened.

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