Rare Weather Occurrence in Central Texas Creates Venus-Like Atmosphere

The build-up of heat in the atmosphere over Central Texas has created a rare series of rainless rainstorms akin to those witnessed above Venus.

“It’s a rainstorm, but without the rain,” claims meteorologist Cliff Dunnow, who says the rare weather occurrence makes dust storms look like monkey play, “or something similar,” he said.

Just exactly what monkey play has to do with weather is also a complete mystery. At any rate, virgas, totally unrelated to Viagra or virgins, are clouds that have plenty of rain in them, but in the form of ice crystals. When the crystals get heavy and fall, they hit the heat of the atmosphere and evaporate, so that it rains, just not on the ground.

“It’s one of God’s cruelest jokes played on the people of Texas,” Dunnow said. “They keep praying for rain, see a storm approaching and think to themselves ‘wow, finally,’ only to have the rain evaporate about 100 feet above their heads.”

The weather pattern is expected to last a day or two, just long enough for the folks living in Central Texas to threaten to pick up sticks and move the hell out of the state. Meanwhile, Dunnow is asking anyone who actually witnesses a regular rainstorm to call his office immediately as he says a good old-fashioned downpour has become even rarer in Texas than the virga.