Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Patti Stanger Claims Gays Can’t Help Being Sex Fiends

Millionaire Matchmaker, Patti Stanger, appeared on Bravo’s Watch What Happens Live and didn’t disappoint. Well, to be fair, she did disappoint the host, Andy Cohen, and untold millions of gays across the country, but she didn’t disappoint her parents.

Stanger made it a point to make sure everyone who didn’t know anything about the gay lifestyle was brought up to date on every gay stereotype she could cram into the half hour show, including the one about gays being sex fiends.

“My mom and dad were horrified to find out I was doing matchmaking for gays,” said Stanger when asked what made her start including gays in her Millionaire’s Club. “I just wanted to include everyone, even those who I knew were going to be trouble from the beginning,” she said, referring to her monogamous rule. “Those gay boys just can’t keep their pee pees in their pants,” said Stanger pointing to her vagina then Cohen’s crotch, apologizing. “And,” she said, “they give me a meshuga headache.”

When Cohen (who is openly gay) told Stanger that he actually was looking for a monogamous relationship, Stanger told him, “Yeah, Andy, like I’m gonna believe you. All Jewish men lie.”

Cohen knew he’d be sorry for asking but he went ahead and asked Stanger why her parents were so afraid of her trying to fix gay men and women up with each other. “Oh that,” said Stanger, “they thought I was gonna catch you-know-what.”

“What?” said Cohen? “Gayness?”

At one point Cohen’s eyes rolled so far up into his head that they had to pause the “live” button, take Cohen back stage and allow his eyes to roll back down on their own.

“We were very scared when that happened,” said a stage crew member. “This had never happened before.” Cohen was later asked what happened and he said “I don’t know. I think I just had my share of incredulous and I couldn’t control my eyeballs anymore.” Cohen then pleaded with the producers “Please, don’t make me interview Patti Stanger ever again. She’s just a whack job, and I don’t mean that in a sexual way, at all.”

Stanger has since apologized for her comments about gays and Jews on the show and has even invited to help match Andy Cohen with one of her gay/Jewish Millionaire Club members. Cohen was rushed to the emergency room, this time because his eyes wouldn’t come back down on their own.

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