Showing posts with label bankruptcy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bankruptcy. Show all posts

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Haiti Uses US Aid Money to Help Bail Out Bankrupt Detroit

In what is being hailed as the most ironic turn of events of 2013, Haiti has sent the first $15M of a promised $130M to the City of Detroit in hopes of saving the city from going completely belly under.

In September of 2013, it was announced that the beleaguered city could count on $300M in federal and private funds to help the city while it undergoes a Chapter 11 reorganization. A mere drop in the bucket when it comes to the billions it will eventually take to totally bring Detroit back around and running again as one of America's top Midwest cities.

What many people don't know, however, is that some of that $300M is coming from the tiny island nation of Haiti, a country that itself is not a stranger to overwhelming financial woes especially after the massive earthquake it suffered in 2010.

How, you ask, can a nation so enmeshed in poverty afford to send $130M to Detroit? Funny thing. Haiti received such an outpouring of financial help from countries from all over the world, including the United States, that they ended up with too much money on their hands. So much so that the President of Haiti, Michel Martelly is trying to find projects on which to spend the overage, instead of seeing it slowly being siphoned off and finding its way into the wrong hands in Haiti.

Martelly claims that he has ultimate control over the money but somehow, it has been dwindling fast as more and more corrupt politicians under his house of control have found ways to misappropriate the funds for personal gain, and Martelly has had enough of it.

"Why help Detroit and not your own people?" Martelly was asked when announcing his generous offer.
Martelly answered by asking his own questions.

"Why do you have so much money in the United States and don't help your own people? Why do you have women and children sleeping in the streets, begging for food, undernourished and undereducated? Why do some parts of America look exactly like Haiti, albeit in a less tropical climate?"

These were questions no one could answer easily, especially then Detroit Mayor, Dave Bing. Martelly's questions moved Bing to accept the money.

Martelly added another reason for helping Detroit. "First and foremost, I'm a musician. I love good music, and seeing the Motor City, Motown, die like this? Well, it's a horrible death, and I cannot in all good conscience see that happen."

So, to this day, Martelly stands with Smokey Robinson and scores of other musicians who have turned their music into money that they hope will someday bring Detroit back from the depths of debt.

But, Martelly warned Bing, "You mess with me, and you may, one day, be calling Port-au-Prince the Po-Town Music Sound, leaving Motown in the dust."


Sunday, August 12, 2012

Mattress Company Introduces New Product in Anticipation of Romney/Ryan Win

Pocket Perfect Sleeper

Master Mattress Mart, the third largest mattress firm in the United States has just announced a brand new product that will serve Americans well in the unlikely event that Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan win the Presidential election in November.

It’s called the Pocket Perfect Sleeper, and it is designed with a camouflaged deep pocket sewn into the mattress. Davis Lumber, the executive vice president in charge of research and development at Pocket Perfect explains why this most important upgrade is expected to revolutionize the mattress industry.

“Well, it’s kind of a no-brainer,” said Lumber. “We have been doing our homework on both Mr. Romney and Mr. Ryan and the truth of the matter is that should they be elected, the banking industry will have a hey day with most Americans’ savings and investment accounts.”

Lumber further explained that because there is a very real possibility that unless the middle and even lower class of savers don’t do something to secure what little money they have left after the last serious drain on their retirement accounts in 2007, they will be left penniless.

“That’s where the Pocket Perfect Sleeper comes in. Once a customer gets their new mattress home, we seriously recommend they remove their money from banks and other financial institutions and place it in the sewn-in pocket in the foundation. 

“This way, when there is a run on the banks, which is very likely to happen almost immediately after Romney/Ryan take office, their money will be safely tucked in their mattresses,” he said.

Asked the question, what if Romney/Ryan don’t win? Lumber replied, “No problem. Our marketing department has already anticipated that scenario. The Pocket Perfect Sleeper will transition well marketing-wise into the Porno Pocket Perfect Sleeper.”