Eric Trump Claims Daddy Robbed His Piggy Bank

In a candid sit down with a New York radio host last week, Eric Trump opened up about what life was like growing up in the Donald Trump household.

"I have to tell you, the money and fame wasn't bad, but being around that A-type personality 24/7 wasn't easy," claims Eric.

"Sometimes, it was hard to come down to breakfast because you just knew that if you didn't have your tie on straight or your handkerchief just so in your chest pocket, you were going to catch hell."

Then he chuckled. "Dad hates when I tell this story, but I can't resist. I guess with all the talk about Daddy taking money from my charity made me think of this one thing he did when I was like 8 or 9 years old."

Eric recounted how he heard someone upstairs in his bedroom and what sounded like metal on ceramic.

"I thought, 'no way…somebody is breaking into my piggy bank.' I figured it was probably Don, Jr. looking for some cigarette money. Anyway, I went up to investigate, and I found dad, kitchen knife in hand, trying to jimmy the coins out of my piggy bank. No kidding!"

Turns out, as Eric tells it, the senior Trump had ordered a pizza from Domino's and was short a few bucks to pay the pizza delivery guy, who wouldn't go away, even though the elder Trump told him he was good for the money.

Evidently, this same delivery boy had been stiffed a couple times at the Trump residence and was holding his ground, making it necessary for Trump to break into Eric's piggy bank.

"I'll never forget that image…dad got so flustered at not being able to get the change out fast enough that he ended up smashing my piggy bank with the knife and money flew everywhere. When he saw me standing in the doorway, him on his hands and knees scooping up change, and me yelling 'Dad, what the hell?' well, at the time it wasn't funny, but now, looking back on it, it is just so hilarious."

Eric ended the conversation by saying that for all his faults, his dad was a pretty decent guy.

"I mean, he was pretty great. Like the pizza he ordered…he usually liked his with just mushrooms, but for us kids, he got half with pepperoni. Now to me, that really showed he cared."

Rick Perry Running for President So He Can Abolish the Job

Texas Governor Rick Perry announced today that the only reason he is considering a run for President in 2012 is so that, once elected, he can use his executive power to abolish the post of President.

Confused? Let me explain. Perry is a strong proponent of states’ rights. He believes that each individual state in the United States, including Texas, should be allowed to set their own laws regarding such things as education, labor laws, and civil rights. With no federal government, it would no longer be necessary to have a federal government figurehead.

In order for Perry to become President, he would have to renounce his stand on states’ rights, that is unless he becomes President just long enough to abolish the post of President all together and revert back to being the Governor of Texas.

In a recent speech, Perry’s distaste for federal government interference was palpable. “We don’t want to have to give school kids free lunches if we don’t want to,” he said. “Of course, if we want to, we will, but we won’t if we don’t want to and the federal government can’t make us.”

Perry has his lawyers checking on the constitutionality of a President abolishing the office of President of the United States, but says that regardless of their answer, he’s still gonna run for President just to scare the hell out of all his fellow Republican rivals.

Perry is also checking whether or not it would be feasible to create a new job for himself once he fires himself from the office of President of the United States and is unable to return to the post of Texas’ governor. He’s thinking President of Texas sounds pretty good.