Ted Cruz, emboldened by his 21 hour filibuster, has taken
a spot on the steps of the House of Representatives this morning to re-enact his
version of Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount. Though this re-enactment is an obvious
violation of the concept of separation between church and state, Cruz has
already crossed that boundary by kneeling in prayer in front of the White House
last week.
Cruz’ sermon is not expected to last quite as long as his
filibuster, but, being a man of many words, Cruz is expected to pray at least
until he is either asked to leave, or has to empty his bladder, whichever comes
first. However, it is suspected that to assure his ability to pray non-stop, the
gentleman from Texas will have a small catheter inserted in his pee-pee.
Some of the sermon has been leaked by a not-so-faithful
aide, and it is printed here to give you an idea just how close to the Sermon
on the Mount Rep. Cruz comes when addressing his fellow lawmakers.
The Sermon begins as follows:
My fellow Republicans, just as
Jesus started his sermon without further adieu, I will do so as well…Blessed
are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, not the righteousness we
think is righteousness, but you know, the righteousness I’ve been talking about
now for about a week or so, that kind of righteousness;
Blessed are they who are persecuted
for the sake of righteousness, i.e. me and a few of my colleagues, ‘cause we
are definitely gonna get the kingdom in the end, you’ll see;
Blessed is me when they insult and
persecute me, because I don’t deserve it, number one, and number two, bully on
you because eventually I’ll win and might even eventually be voted in as
Speaker of the House because, let’s face it, I do speak kind of well;
Don’t think I’ve come here to
strike down and abolish the law, well, actually I am here to abolish Obamacare,
but I have never accepted the fact that that law is legal even though it may
have been passed in both Houses and affirmed by the Supreme Court, what I don’t
get is how they did it and so, in my mind, yeah, I guess I have come here to
strike down and abolish Obamacare…;
This gives you a feel for
what Cruz will be harping on for the next several hours. He is expected to
touch on the issues of meekness, something about being the salt of the earth, and
time permitting, the Ten Commandments.
According to the errant aide,
Cruz also will include a writing about himself in the form of Dr. Seuss, a part
of which is as follows:
I stood in the House on that nice
sunny day,
I asked all my colleagues if they wanted
to play,
I stood there with Chambliss,
Cornyn, and Blunt,
They all were behind me and my
little stunt…
The sermon continues today, and will be reported on
further upon its conclusion. In the meantime, don’t expect any real issues to
be resolved by Congress in the coming days such as tougher gun laws or adequate
funding for education for our youth, as Cruz and his band of disciples are
determined to bring their message to their own mount, i.e. Capitol Hill.
