Monday, July 7, 2014

Pornographic Weather Map Shows Up on Columbus News Channel

A weather map showing a slow-moving storm stretching across the lower middle section of the country on Monday, and pointing toward the northern New England area was quickly taken down by the Weather Channel for being too graphic for their viewers.

Meanwhile, the map remained on screen at a Columbus News Channel as there was not enough time to create a less-graphic graphic.

Red-faced local weatherman Peter "Pete" Johnson from Columbus, Ohio began his forecast with a bit of levity:

"Sure, it looks exactly like you think it looks," said Johnson, "but you won't get me to come down to your level."

Johnson went on to explain the phenomenon of the weather map creating such a distinct picture.

"In the weather business, it's what we call a boundary layer, caused by heavy boundary friction. This one may even cause some ball lightening," he said, trying not to giggle.

He continued. "With the right kind of circulation, this storm has the propensity to spread moisture all the way up into Canada."

With that, Johnson doubled over with laughter and was forced to turn the rest of the report over to his assistant, Missy Meyers.

Meyers continued, "Look for fast developing cumulonimbus in the pre-frontal boundary, culminating in heavy downpours before weakening, lighting a cigarette and falling fast asleep..."

The station manager quickly turned the report over to the sportscaster who then opened with his report about the scarcity of firm balls at the World Cup.

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