Friday, August 2, 2013

Gang of 70-Year Olds on Mobility Scooters Terrorizing Orlando Tourists

The streets of some of Orlando’s most popular tourist destinations are being randomly terrorized by a gang of septuagenarians on mobility scooters. The gang, calling itself the 7 T’s, has so far escaped the law by ducking into restaurants during early bird special time, removing their gang regalia in the bathrooms, and then ordering meals consisting of 10 oz. ribeyes, a salad, and two sides, all for a portion of what they would pay after 6 p.m.

Eyewitness reports say the gang has equipped its scooters with little black flags emblazoned with the skull and crossbones design and their name, the 7 T’s. While no one has been able to pin down a member of the gang to ask where the name came from, word in local assisted living facilities is that the original seven members of the gang all had first names or nicknames starting with the letter “T” such as Throttle, T-bone and Tats.

The only other criteria for getting into the gang according to anonymous tipsters is that you must be at least 70 years old, own a relatively new personal scooter that can do at least 10 mph and the guts to run down youngsters wearing funny Disney hats. Evidently, the thrill for this gang is seeing young kids in Mickey ears cry when they are forced to drop their Shamu ice cream sticks on the ground.

The Orlando area police departments are asking all residents in the area to be on the lookout for these “Hells Angels Has Beens” as one poster calls them. Meanwhile, retired cops from New York who make their winter home in Orlando have been called in to help round up the gang and bring them to justice. One NY snowbird, a former desk sergeant from Brooklyn named Wayne McDuffy, said this about tracking down the gang, “Weah gonna find deez Joisey jagoffs, awright, if it’s da last ting we do,” and added “So waddah you lookin at?”

7 comments:

  1. I so enjoyed reading this post! It really was hilarious in my book! As a singer/songwriter/short story writer myself, I can so relate to your statement about 'Cracking your own self up.' Loved how you made it sound like a real news report. Had me laughing out loud several times! Humor is what keeps me going. Great job on this particular story! I will certainly take the time to read more. Thanks for the laughs, I really needed that today. <3, Vicki Jean

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  2. What a nice post, Vicki Jean. Someone asked a question today on FB something to the effect of what is your mission in life? I can honestly tell you, that it is making people smile and giving them a good belly laugh with my stories. If I can do that, I'm a success in life.

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  3. silly story, not that funny

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  4. I'd be glad to publish anything you write Anonymous that you consider funny. Humor is hit or miss. Not everyone has to like my story.

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  5. Well, all I can say is most times you miss by a mile. I haven't read anything on this site that wasn't steeped in hate, extremely un-funny, or so loopy-left it's disgusting.

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  6. I sometimes take down mean and vindictive comments as I don't see them as productive at all, but I'm leaving yours up. the offer stands. Write something you think is funny and I'll post it. I do have to say that you are the first truly mean person to grace my pages and I think I may know who you are, but I'm not guessing. You have the option of not reading my page. Wouldn't that work best for all?

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  7. One more thing Anonymous...go to the Onion and other like Satire sites and you'll see plenty of mean-spirited stories. I don't write anything I think will intentionally hurt someone and if I have, please point it out for me. Steeped in hate? Really?

    I actually think you have nothing better to do than to post nasty notes on various websites. I'm nothing to you, so why start a fight? What's in it for you?

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