Wednesday, August 3, 2011
X Removed from Alphabet in Austerity Measure
Wallace Grimley, US Superintendent of Education has addressed the issues associated with removal of the letter X in a pamphlet sent home to all parents of school-age children entitled "The X-Factor No Longer Needed in American English," which uses a popular British television show as his premise for telling the parents that the X is not really needed in our alphabet and that we can, in fact, do quite nicely without it.
In the pamphlet, Grimley explains that the letter X is phonetically sounded out as "ecks" and therefore words such as extreme and exercise will benefit the most because not only will the X be removed, but an eckstra E won't be needed in the replacement as in e"ecks"tra. That alone will reduce costs considerably he says. The only problem Grimley sees is the word xylophone. "That is a bit of a sticky wicket for us," claims Grimley. "While all other words that use the "ecks" sound, xylophone uses a "zee" sound. It is for this reason that we have decided to totally remove the word xylophone from the English language. It will be replaced by the more popular glockenspiel or timpani.