Orange Man Boehner Delights Chinese Business Leaders, Disappoints Constituents

The Chinese, long associated with being the yellow race, have found a friend in a man whose face color reminds them of their grandfathers when they get very angry—orange. There is an old saying in China that goes something like “when my yellow grandfather gets a red face, he is an orange ogre.”

Businessmen from all over China have begun telling this ancient tale again after meeting and speaking with John Boehner, who, for all intents and purposes, has become the number one link between China and the United States Chamber of Commerce. A real Manchurian Candidate if you will.

Why are the Chinese so enamored with the orange man from Ohio? Clearly it is because he has promised to continue to allow almost every disposable piece of junk that Americans consume in this country to be made by overseas workers, overseas workers who have been so generously endowed with the jobs that Americans claim are being taken away from them.

Not only do the Chinese love and revere Boehner, but so do the American businessmen who are banking on the large tax cuts Boehner has planned for them if they take advantage of outsourcing even more jobs overseas. Nicknamed “Orange Aid,” Boehner plans on making it quite clear that the only way for large American businesses to thrive in today’s economic hard times is to be able to cut corners and the only way to do that is to pay foreign workers pennies on the dollar.

Asked what he tells his constituents who are out of work in his hometown district in southwestern Ohio, Boehner tells it like it is. “Stop your whining. If we made things here, they would cost you an arm and a leg. Be thankful there are countries who provide cheap labor so you can buy a Mr. Coffee for under ten bucks.”