In an effort to reel in kiddies as early as they are able to watch television, the Fox Channel has begun the process of developing a Saturday morning kids’ show featuring Glenn Beck, ala Dick Dastardly-style, complete with pencil-thin handlebar mustache. While not yet written in stone, the name of the show is expected to be “The Tommy Truth-tacular Hour.”
What some believe is dangerous about this creative project, however, is the message that will be getting to children at such an early age. Face it folks, Dick Dastardly was no Barney, and Glenn Beck’s close portrayal of the character, expected to be re-named “Tommy Truth,” won’t be singing “I Love You, You Love Me.”
Yet, Fox insists that this is a children’s show whose time has come. Beck has convinced Fox that there needs to be an alternative to the namby pamby drivel that turns our youth into liberal whiney butts. What Beck, or Truth in this case, will do is give it to the kids straight. “There are no handouts in real life,” he’ll tell them. “You are not born privileged. You have to work for everything you get, so get used to it kids,” will be another message on board for the young viewers. Speaking of boards, Truth will have his infamous whiteboard present on the show going through the alphabet like a trucker on speed.
“A is for Anti”
“B is for Big Government”
“C is for Concern for this Great Country of Ours”
“D is for Damage Done by the Democrats”
“E is for Everything Else” he can shake a stick at.
Yes, Fox is allowing Beck to go after that demographic that has yet to be tapped, the young, innocent minds that have not fully formed any political preconceptions and mold them into Mini-Mes who believe they have a patriotic duty to adhere to the “every man or woman for themselves” ideology. An idea, Beck believes, whose time has not only come but should be taught as early as possible to our youth.
Talks are also taking place with Sarah Palin to co-star with Beck in the reprisal of yet another character in the Wacky Races series, Penelope Pitstop. She will be known as “Priscilla Patriot” and will be expected to bring to the show a message of patriotism every week. Priscilla will give a goodly amount of advice on how to compete in life and lessons such as taking down an opponent isn’t necessarily a bad thing but what will get you ahead, even if you want to quit a few times along the way. She’ll have a jeweled wand and will wish for things that the kids write in for, such as money, a spot on the junior cheerleading squad, or other such important desires.
When Beck was asked why the character is based more on Dick Dastardly and not Dudley Do Right, he had this to say “Do Right was obviously a progressive, always helping someone out of trouble. His kind shows a spineless lack of self-preservation that Dastardly embraced in everything he did. Dastardly got them before they got him. That’s what I want the kids of today to know--they can’t be in charge if they are worried about someone else. The sooner they learn to be their own bosses, the sooner they’ll learn to be someone else’s boss as well.”
Although the theme of the show sounds undeniably serious, there will be plenty of laughs as Truth carries on in Beck’s clownish style, arms swinging wildly, eyes bulging and voice going from cackle to crack up in seconds. The show is expected to leave children rolling on the floor in laughter at the antics.
Fox has yet to cast the role of “Stripe, the All-American Dog,” Truth’s scruffy side-kick dog based on Muttley, but someone with a wheezing cough, say a smoker of cigars, may just fit that bill.
Fox is hoping to have the cartoon show up and running in time for the new fall television season, so keep your eyes peeled on Fox, where you’ll find the nuttiest entertainment around.