Monday, December 14, 2009

Woman Blames Glenn Beck Show for Premature Aging

Shelley Saround began noticing her hair going grey about a year ago at the age of 23. In just a few short months, she went from having a head of luxurious dark brown hair to looking like Grandmama on the Addams Family.

She went to the doctor when she started noticing that she was sprouting grey hairs on the top of her head, and the doctor asked her a series of questions like had she been under a lot of stress lately? Had she suffered any catastrophic news like a death in the family? Had someone scared the bejeezus out of her lately? “And that’s when it hit me,” she said. “Almost 3 months to the day that my hair started turning grey, I began watching the Glenn Beck show. Watching Beck, for me, was like watching a bad car wreck. You know there is going to be scary stuff to see and hear, but somehow you just can’t turn away.”

For three months, Shelley watched as Beck warned her about illegal aliens coming to America to take away her factory job, how the government was ready to take away more of her earnings in the way of taxes, how Congress wanted to take away her right to buy her own damned health insurance, whether she could afford it or not, and most of all, how her beloved America was being taken over by a bunch of socialists. Yes, Shelley was systematically being scared to death, slowly, but surely, and the result was a head of premature grey hair that she will never be able to reverse.

In addition to the grey hair, she began to see dark circles form under her eyes, another sign of premature aging. Now 24, Shelley finds it difficult to get a date with any man younger than 65. “I’m often mistaken for my mother’s mother. In fact, my mother has no grey hair at all. It is a bizarre situation to be in to know that had I just listened to my friends and not watched the Glenn Beck Show, I’d still have beautiful dark hair and I’d be dating my choice of men who are my age.”

“I know it’s too late for me,” said Shelley, “but I want other people to know that if it can happen to me, it can happen to them.” According to specialists in the field, no amount of turning Glenn Beck off or swearing never to listen to him again can reverse the awful consequences of listening to his fear mongering. The damage is irreversible.

And that nervous tic over her right eye? “Rush Limbaugh did that to me,” says Shelley. “But that’s another story for another day.”

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