In Pakistan, You Can't Fix Crazy

The news coming out of Pakistan lately has all the makings of a new Discovery Channel reality show. It has adultery, murder, incest, possible pedophilia; did we mention murder? As the plot unfolds on the tragic story of a woman stoned to death by her own father and brothers in Pakistan for marrying a man more than double her age, the story becomes crazier and crazier.

The so-called 'honor killing' has the entire world, well maybe not the part of the world that sees honor killings as something normal, but the rest of the world, scratching its collective head over this one.

Peeling back the layers of what we now know is an all-too typical story about the stoning of a pregnant woman for running off with a man she loved instead of marrying the man picked for her by her family, it is now being reported that the husband of the pregnant woman stoned to death, Mohammad Iqbal, was himself an adulterer, who killed his first wife so that he could marry his pregnant mistress, i.e. the stonee.

Iqbal, it seems, had been living with the young woman's family, and was 20 years her senior. He even admitted to being attracted to the woman as she was a young girl growing up. With several families sharing small, cramped living spaces, one can only surmise that the stonee was not a virgin when she was ultimately married to the murderer and subsequent widower.

If that isn't enough of a twist for you, it appears that the woman was stoned to death because she refused her family's wishes to marry her cousin and instead ran off with the adulterer. Talk about keeping it all in the family.

Is it just me, or does this sound like Deliverance Meets Osama?

If the facts, as they are coming in, are true in this case, then it is a pretty safe bet that the rules governing marriage in Pakistan are extremely different than those here in the United States. Seems the Pakistanis can't get even straight marriage right. Can you imagine if you threw same-sex marriage into the mix for them? We would surely see some self-imploding of Biblical (or Quaranian in this case) proportions in that part of the world.

With tribal laws like these running rampant in Pakistan, most people will agree "You can't fix crazy."

If ever there was an upside to this woman's death, it is that, considering all the crazy people in her life, she's more than likely better off dead, and the same is true for her unborn child, who had a 50/50 chance of being born female.

Alex Jones Claims Brain Farts are Real and Dangerous

Shameless Re-Issue of Earlier Post

Alex Jones, host of his own radio show, The Alex Jones Show, and known for his outlandish conspiracy theories, claims that he has personal knowledge that brain farts are not only a real medical condition, but they can be extremely dangerous.

“I have had several very close calls with brain farts just in the past two weeks,” said Jones, while commenting on his recent appearance on Piers Morgan Tonight.

“In one particularly scary incident, I was loading my gun and couldn’t remember if I’d put all the bullets in the chamber. I had to hold the gun to my head and click it to figure out if I had or not.”

Jones claims that after the second click, he pulled the gun down from his head and said out loud “brain fart,” and looked quite perturbed as he realized all he had to do is look in the chamber.

Damn near almost blew my head off,” he said. “Luckily, I caught it in time, and realized it was just a brain fart, but man, that was the closest call I’ve had yet.”

Jones claims that most of his brain farts are pretty innocuous, but that they are getting worse and worse, and he blames them on secret medical experiments the Keebler elves are conducting on him in his sleep.

“You know, I’m thinking of saying one thing, and end up saying another. That happens quite often with me,” he admitted. We couldn’t agree more.

Jones was then asked exactly why he believes brain farts are true medical conditions, but he couldn’t really come up with anything. True to form, however, Jones claimed it was a trick question, but then proceeded to make up this response.

“Did you know that the CIA developed Rice Crispies for the sole purpose of sending subliminal messages through the digestive tracts of young children in order to brainwash them into thinking that it is okay for boys to play with Ken dolls?”

Jones then cut the interview short saying that the aluminum foil jockey shorts he was wearing to protect his testicles from the microwaves being emitted from the small microphone “they” insisted he wear were beginning to chafe him, and he immediately left the studio.