Possible DB Cooper Sighting at Occupy Fernwood 2 Night Event in Ohio

It has been 40 years since the infamous hijacking of a Boeing 747 between Seattle and Portland by alleged hijacker, Dan “DB” Cooper. While many clues have turned out to be false and the most hunted man in America has never been found, police in Fernwood, Ohio are working on a solid lead that may finally help them nab the elusive extortionist.

Longtime Fernwood resident Chuck Saugis claims that late one night last week, while he and Happy Kine were enjoying a six pack of Latrobe’s Best and trying to remember the words to “Polka Your Pants Off,” they were approached by a bearded thin man who told them “I just flew in from Seattle and boy are my arms tired,” and then laughed and said he was joking of course.

The three men then struck up a conversation while manning the only Occupy America event in the region. The sign carried by Cooper (if indeed it was Cooper) read “Americans are being hijacked by Wall Street.”

By the time Saugis could get someone to come over and verify what the two merrymakers had seen, the strange man had vanished, leaving only a rag-tag cloth bank bag with the name of the lending institution worn off and, of course, a protest sign written on the blank side of an A & P Supermarket store box.

“What are the chances of us finally taking the time to get out there and become a part of this wonderful movement,” said Kine, “and running into one of the most notorious cold case personas of our time?”

“Better yet,” said Saugis, “what are the chances that there were three of us and two beers apiece?”

New Poll Shows That 99% of Americans Think Glenn Beck is Nuts

The National Opinion Research Center has just published the results of last week’s tracking poll which indicates that a solid 99% of Americans think that radio talk show host Glenn Beck is nuts.

The poll results were broadcast mere minutes after Beck warned capitalists on his radio show to beware of the Occupy Wall Street movement.

“Capitalists, if you think that you can play footsies with these people, you're wrong. They will come for you and drag you into the streets and kill you...” said Beck on Monday.

Keith Martin, an employee at NORC who was in charge of accumulating the votes said that they weren’t expecting the push back on Beck to be so high, seeing as that 99% included people who regularly listen to his radio broadcast.

“All we can conclude is that in America today,” said Martin, “people like Glenn Beck are expected to be crazy, to say and do the outlandish to make money, so that when it comes time to vote in a poll on whether or not the guy is nuts, they are saying yes in a positive way.”

Still, Martin wanted to make a point that those following Beck now only accounts for .000041 percent of the actual polling figures and therefore, those who think he is truly nuts is still at a solid 99%, and half of those polled believe Beck is dangerous and capable of carrying out a few killings of his own.

As Beck’s former employees would say “the dribble is on his bib,” referring to the fact that Beck now needs to wear a dribble bib to catch the flow of sputum streaming down his chin as he gets worked up talking about those 99ers out there pushing for change in America. Several psychiatrists have confirmed that this is one of the very first signs that a man is going completely mad.