Female Scientist Wears Dildo Strapped to Head at News Conference

Co-written by Mike Kelly

Dr. Margaret Turnbull, the first female scientist to work alongside male scientists in a research laboratory in Las Cruces, New Mexico, has reportedly shown up to several news conferences sporting a dildo strapped to her head.

While the obvious comments are being whispered amongst several male reporters, Dr. Turnbull’s intent is not just to highlight the lack of naked male shirts, which has already been extensively reported on by Anderson Cooper.

"I'm making a statement," claimed Dr. Turnbull. "This isn't about science, this isn’t about wardrobe choices, this is about the opposite sex. The biggest problem with my approach is the fact that my esteemed colleagues can’t get past giggling long enough to understand," she stated.

Dr. Turnbull, or Margie, as she is affectionately referred to by her male colleagues, claims she felt it necessary to take a stand after seeing the social network fallout from science writer Rose Eveleth's tweets regarding the shirt worn by a male scientist working on the comet landing project last week. 

Dr. Matt Taylor, also referred to by his male colleagues as Matthew, lead scientist on the project to place a probe on a comet, showed up at several interviews wearing a shirt emblazoned with half-naked women.

While many people saw this as pretty ballsy, to put it mildly, others claim it was refreshing to see a scientist go all Gonzo on such an important mission. The fashion world wasn’t impressed with either the shirt or the loneliness his iron must feel having never seen the light of day. 

Dr. Turnbull is also not the first, nor likely the last, from the scientific community to use levity when pushed by circumstances into confronting perceived social injustice. During the Manhattan project it was rumored that several high placed team members had etched, “Made In Japan”, on components for the atomic bomb, ironically not foreseeing how catchy that phrase would later become. 

Dr. Taylor was reached for a response to his seemingly inappropriate attire choice to which he had one final comment, "At the end of the day, it is really all about probes, now isn't it?" 

Meanwhile, Dr. Turnbull says she will hang up her dildo when Dr. Taylor hangs up his shirt. Until that time she plans to continue her unique protest and is planning a strap-on outing to engage the community later this month.