Sunday, January 12, 2014

Shortage of Adult Gummy Vitamins Causing Texans to Act Childish

Fred F. Stone--It tastes yucky!
A shortage of a certain brand of adult gummy vitamins has Texans scrambling across state borders to get their fill before other states run out.

The vitamins, called "Big People Daily Dose" have been missing from pharmacy shelves for the past two weeks and the adults who have become hooked on the vitamins are showing signs of withdrawal.

Doctors claim the vitamins contain a certain compound that, when not taken regularly, can cause adults to become "backed up" and the only way to get things running smoothly again is to either take more Big People Daily Dose vitamins or drink prune juice. Most adults balk at the latter suggestion.

"It tastes yucky," said Fred F. Stone, a crane operator who works at a stone quarry near Austin, after being asked if he has even tried prune juice before.

"Yeah," he said, arms folded across his chest defiantly. "Prune juice tastes yucky and I don't want to drink it." Stone's wife, Wilma, confirms this.

"He's driving me crazy. I've never been able to get him to eat his vegetables, and now this. Those vitamins practically saved my marriage, and now it's tearing it apart," she said. Her neighbor, Betty, is having the same problem with her husband.

Other adults interviewed had the same reaction.

"We just want our gummy vitamins back," said Nancy Nunez, who says she has been using the Big People Daily Dose vitamins now for almost two years and can't imagine taking any other brand.

"I love the flavor cherry," said Nancy, "and these are the only vitamins that have more cherry ones than any other flavors." Nunez admits trading lime and orange flavored vitamins for the cherry ones with her fellow gummy vitamin junkies.

Nunez told reporters that most adult gummy vitamin flavors taste so artificial but the Big People Daily Dose vitamins taste as real as eating a real piece of fruit.

Then why don't the people craving these vitamins just go out and buy some fruit and eat it?

"Because," said Fred Stone. "It tastes yucky."

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