Vegetarians Produce Cuter Babies According to New Study

Preliminary results of a new study reported this week in the American Journal of Pediatric Studies indicates babies born to vegetarian parents have a much better chance of being cute than those born to parents who eat meat.

The study was based on observations by Nancy Callahan, a nurse for more than 40 years, who has noticed over the past decade or so that certain babies being born in the neonatal unit of her hospital were exceptionally cute. “We’re not talking average, run-of-the-mill, chubby cheeks cute,” says Callahan, “we’re talking Gerber babies here.”

Callahan claims she also noted that babies born to parents who regularly ate meat, especially fast food hamburgers, tended to produce an uglier baby. “People I’ve talked to have taken exception to my views,” said Callahan. “They tell me there is no such thing as an ugly baby, but I have to tell them that I’ve seen babies so ugly even the hospital photographers have made excuses not to take their pictures for fear it will break their camera lens.”

Callahan claims she’s half-way joking about that last part, but uses it to make her point, and the study results corroborate Callahan’s personal observations. One reason researchers say vegetarians are more likely to produce cuter babies is that a mother’s diet consisting of organic fruits, vegetables and grains helps the babies develop a healthier glow in the womb. When born, babies with vegetarian parents have better skin tone, more advanced bone structure and happier facial expressions, while babies born to mothers who maintain a fast food and bacon diet have a tendency to come out looking like little Bubbas who unfortunately pass an abnormal amount of gas.

“The saying, ‘you are what you eat’ certainly translates in the maternity ward,” says Callahan, who is delighted to know that she was pretty much on the money all those years when, without even looking at a mother’s chart she could tell who the vegans were and who was more likely to be craving a whopper and a beer upon being released from the hospital with her little bundle of joy.