Song Parody - IF I ONLY HAD SOME HEIGHT

Here it is folks, the video you've all been waiting to see, not in technicolor, but as it was meant to be seen...in North Korean Black and White. So get a tub of popcorn, or some k-rations and gather the family around the computer for about a minute of fun (hey, what do you want? It took me a day and a half just to get this short film done).

Oh, and one more thing...watch your back Weird Al - I'm a gunnin' for you.
Click the link below:

Kim Jong-Un's If I Only Had Some Height

(Sung to If I Only Had aBrain)

If I just had me some stature,

my ego wouldn't fracture

I wouldn't be so rude.

I would be a nicer guy and say

Heck I don't hate the USA

I'd be a gnarly dude.

I wouldn't need no help

To reach the upper shelf

I'd get things on my own

And I wouldn't need a ladder

just to empty my bladder

if my legs had only grown.

If I were a bigger guy

I'd be tall enough to maybe touch the sky

I wouldn't have to try to sit up straight

That's if my height was six foot eight.

If I grew in adolescence

or even pre-pubescence,

I'd be so outta sight

I could look  you in the eye

Cause I'd be a taller guy

If I only had some height.

Dennis Rodman Admits He May Have Tiger Blood Too

Dennis Rodman is in rehab. Big surprise after his latest trip to North Korea. Yeah, he got drunk, big whup. He was probably high as well on some good Korean ganga too.

Anything papasan want? Anything? You name it Joe, we get for you.

"Yeah, I want the biggest-ass bottle of sake you got and a bowl-ful of that Korean home grown, thanks kindly, Kim."

And then this, "You know man, I am like so Charlie Sheen-ing right now. I swear I got tiger blood."

You want holang-i pi? Joe? Tiger blood. Get Joe some tiger blood.

"No, no man, my blood, it's like...oh never mind."

[takes another hit off the makeshift bong made from an old piece of pipe and some rice paper]

"What was I saying? Oh yea, Tiger Woods, no...wait yeah, I wanna go golfing.

"You got clubs?"

Oh yeah, Joe, we got clubs, and rockets, nuclear ones, better than clubs, clubs are for suckers.

"No, no, man, c'mon, give peace a chance. Golf, I want to go golfing..."

No, Joe, we don't have golf here, fees to club are too expensive. Damn Americans.

Sorry Joe, present company excluded.

"Uh, okay then, I think Imma head back over to the states and soak in a hot tub someplace where they know what the hell golf is or whatevahhhh."

[Takes one last hit off the bong and finishes up the sake before laying back on the comfy floor mattress and lets out a little roar, more like a yawn, really, and crashes for the night.]

Dennis Rodman Found Drunk Face Down in Pyongyang Alley

Dennis Rodman is alive and, at present, sober after being found face down in a small mud puddle in an alleyway adjacent to the Pyongyang stadium where he sang "Happy Birthday" to N. Korean leader Kim Jong Un on Wednesday.

Sources close to Rodman claim the washed up basketball player drank heavily the night of his birthday tribute. Rodman found out the hard way that in North Korea, if you drink heavily, you are on your own, regardless of whether or not you resemble Marilyn Monroe in any way.

No one, especially the leader, would speak to Rodman after his 15th shot of Andong soju (a distilled liquor from the city of the same name), and Un ordered Rodman be stripped naked (Un is said to have an affinity for the 50+ Rodman's rock-hard abs) and left alone to wander the streets of Pyongyang.

Un then advised his soldiers that if Rodman found his way to Un's supreme bedroom, they were to leave the two alone so that Rodman could rest. A "do not disturb" sign was hastily scribbled on the back of a Korean take-out box and placed on Un's door. Un's wife was ordered to sleep on the supreme couch that evening.

However, Rodman never made it back to the supreme palace and instead, was found naked and semi-conscious in the alleyway still singing parts of the birthday song, changing it only slightly to indicate he was wishing himself a happy birthday and not the Supreme Leader.

Rodman was finally brought to the only hospital in Pyongyang, where he was ordered to vomit or be killed. Rodman reportedly vomited and is now confirmed to be sober enough to realize he may be in serious trouble with the Supreme Leader if he doesn't come up with a quick basketball analogy to explain his actions over the past few days.

Dennis Rodman Fails to Arrive at Kim Jong Un Palace

Where is that Wascally Wodman?

Pyongyang, N. Korea - Dennis Rodman reportedly sent a look-alike imposter in his place to supreme leader, Kim Jong Un's palace Thursday. The leader of N. Korea is said to be hopping mad and may be readying the execution squad yet another time this month.

"He promise he come back see me, bring many, many good basketball player. He no show up," Jong Un was quoted as saying after throwing a lavish party consisting of the one chicken left in the state larders, along with two cucumbers and a spaghetti squash left over from the summer harvest.

In addition, the supreme leader had ordered the state chef to open a bottle of bootleg Colt 45 for the occasion, which Un ended up drinking himself after finding out his dinner guest was an imposter.

Forced to sit across from each other at the dining table, which was actually two T.V. trays pushed together, Un would not look directly into the imposter's eyes as they each reached for the last chicken leg at the same time.

Said Un, "You know how I know this Dennis Rodman  imposter? I tell you. He know I like chicken leg best. He know I kill him if he take last chicken leg. He always leave last chicken leg for me. I stab him with fork but he still take last chicken leg. He imposter. He must die."

So far, no one has been able to determine the fate of the imposter, who, obviously failed to do his homework before accepting the dangerous assignment.

Meanwhile, Dennis Rodman is still in hiding according to his friends who claim that he (Rodman) has finally admitted he has come to realize just how volatile the little leader is and issued this statement through his agent:

"Man, everyone told me that little dude was crazy but I never knew how crazy until last week when out of nowhere he offs his own uncle," said Rodman.

"I ain't takin' no chances until he assures me he won't kill me too," said the pot (Rodman), who is beginning to realize all too well the hypocrisy of his calling this North Korean kettle black.

Dennis Rodman Missing After Jang Song Thaek's Execution

Although the mainstream media is reporting that Dennis Rodman is still planning on traveling to North Korea next week to begin training North Korea's basketball team, no one close to Rodman has seen him since the execution of Kim Jong Un's uncle, Jang Song Thaek today.

Friends close to Rodman claim that he has not been heard from since early this morning, and his own personal trainer says he did not show up at the gym as usual this afternoon.

His closest friends can only speculate that Rodman made public his renewed commitment to travel to North Korea this upcoming Monday following the execution in order to remain on the good side of the quick-tempered Jong Un.

How long Rodman will remain in hiding is anyone's guess.

"He got in over his head on this one," said one friend identified only as "Dunker." Dunker said the last time he talked to Rodman, which was last week for a game of one-on-one, Rodman didn't appear as biggety as normal.

"He was all quiet like, you know, he had something on his mind, and he played a terrible game that day."

Dunker remembers though, there was something else about Rodman.

"Something he said to me kinda curdled my blood. He said he knew something was going down and he'd probably have to leave town for awhile, but he wouldn't say what it was."

And now after the execution, Dunker was asked, "Do you think it was the execution? That Dennis Rodman knew about the execution and was asked to keep quiet until it was carried out?"

"Worse," said Dunker. "He might just be the next one to be executed," Dunker predicted.

Asked why he thought Kim Jong Un would want to execute his best friend in the whole world, Dunker confided.

"Well, imagine you are Dennis, who, after all, has not led a very saintly existence and you just hear that your North Korean friend has executed his favorite childhood uncle for the charge of leading a 'capitalist decadent lifestyle...a dissolute, depraved life, squandered money...,' etc. Need me to go on?"

North Korean Defense Contractor Retrofits Tanks to Accommodate Tiny Leader

Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un has been absent from the news for going on two weeks and rumors about his absence range from the fact that he got a bad haircut and is waiting for it to grow back properly, ala Elvis style, to being heartbroken over the fact that he won’t allow Toyota to export their latest models to his country, thereby leaving him to continue driving an inferior 1997 Kia Rio to all major events.

However the truth was finally leaked this weekend when word got out that North Korea’s official defense contractor has been using up Un’s valuable time personally fitting him for his own personal line of defense weapons, from assault rifles, to assault tanks, to James Bond-type personal jet packs.

The issue of Kim Jong-Un’s size came up during Dennis Rodman’s visit to North Korea. Upon showing off for the former basketball great, it was discovered that Un could not reach the peddles on the tank or see over the steering wheel, resulting in an embarrassing moment when the tank the two compadres were riding in crashed into a squid stand, sending seafood flying into the marketplace.

While Rodman assured his BFF that size never really mattered, the accident left an emotional scar, not to mention the embarrassing walk back to Un’s Kia to drive back to the royal palace for a dinner of shrimp and wieners. No one had the guts to discuss the disastrous one-on-one basketball game between Un and Rodman before the tank incident either. Seems Un is only able to get the ball anywhere near the net by throwing it from between his legs like a 10-year old girl.

Thank God Rodman has been smart enough during the few games they’ve played to keep this tidbit to himself and compliment Un on his unique shooting skills.

With regards to the specially-fitted military weaponry, Reporters say they are looking forward to the unveiling, and Kim’s ability to operate the tank in a safer manner at an upcoming military parade where Rodman is expected to show up in full Korean military dress to honor the quirky, yet scariest little dictator to come along in a very long time.

When asked why he is returning to see the Supreme leader again, Rodman candidly let loose that he and Un had almost a Michael Jackson sleepover moment during his last visit that both thoroughly enjoyed.

“Last time I was there, we got out the camo blankets and draped them over chairs and other furniture in the living room and played Battleship for hours,” said Rodman, adding “I can’t remember when I’ve had such a great time. That little guy has a mind like a trap door. He is pretty darned adept at sinking my battleships.”

Meanwhile, Kim Jong Un is said to be out shopping for Jeeps on the black market. China may have turned him away, but word has it that there are a couple of ex-pats living in Panama who are willing to sell him their 1950s Jeep Willy for a cool couple thousand. All it needs is a new tranny and it’ll be better than anything he’s seen so far in previous used-car shopping trips to Havana. Rodman is said to be excited as hell for the little North Korean dictator and is even shopping around for a Kim Jong Un bobble head for the dash once the deal’s been settled.