Kate Gosselin Forced to Send Kids to Public School

Kate Gosselin and the kids were seen at a local clip joint getting their hair cut for school. “They’re going to public school this year,” chirped Gosselin. “I’ve been told that they have to have really short haircuts so that if there is a lice epidemic, it will be easier to rid them of the buggers.”

Of course, that is just one of the misnomers Ms. Gosselin has about public schools and it is driving members of the local school board up a wall. “She’s going around telling everyone that her kids ‘are going to have to eat government cheese and like it,’ and ‘if she doesn’t send boxes of Kleenex to school with her kids, they could get kicked out.’”

“What an uneducated bore,” said Melissa Perry, an administrative assistant who works for the school board and is in charge of taking Gosselin’s numerous phone calls. “You would think that her kids are the only ones enrolled this year.”

Perry isn’t the only person complaining about the commando way Kate is taking over the schools her children will be attending. Last week the principal of Harvey Milk Elementary claims that Kate Gosselin personally called and told him “Now, you understand Mr. Milk that the only reason I am sending my kids to your school is because I want them to experience a balance in their lives. I expect my kids to be treated just like everyone else, even though their last name is Gosselin and they have above-average intelligence.”

The principal, who, by the way, is not Harvey Milk, replied, “Yes, and those free lunches will come in pretty handy, as well.”