Psychic Predicts Jesus’ Unexpected Return in Early 2012

Hollywood Psychic Miss Lucy doesn’t usually give her New Year’s predictions until the latter part of November. The same is true for this year, with one exception. She claims she had a vision so strong that she could not wait to get the prediction out to her followers so that they can prepare for what’s to come.

In her usual profane way, Miss Lucy warns us to seriously be aware that “God is highly pi$$ed off. So much so,” she says, “that he’s scheduled an early ‘second coming of Christ’ to straighten us humans out and get us re-focused on his original true message.” Miss Lucy says her predictions center mainly on Wall Street, but that America’s Christians are also in for a rough time of it if they don’t get their act together toot sweet.

“It appears that our actions have not gone without notice by the Big Guy, and He’s sending Junior back down here to turn the tables over again and remind us just how much he hates it when humans start thinking they’re more powerful than the one who put them here in the first place.” Lucy claims she was told that God doesn’t look too kindly on those who treat their fellow men poorly for the sake of a buck, and He’s about had it up to here with the rampant greed taking place all over the world. “Those rich ‘Essohbees’ are about to find out just who their CEO really is,” she said.

While Miss Lucy can’t say for certain the exact date Jesus will return, she is warning anyone who has put wealth, power and greed at the top of their “to do” lists to listen up. “He’s coming all right, and if you think a weekly visit to the Chapel of your choice is gonna save you, you better think again.”

Miss Lucy finished her prediction by saying that come early 2012, Jesus himself is gonna be ringing the opening bell on Wall Street. “You can bet your sweet a$$ on that.”