President Obama Offers up Authentic Treasure Map to Throw Off Birther Scent

The quest for definitive evidence that Barack Obama was born (or not born) in the United States is heating up once again. This time, it is millionaire Donald Trump (or billionaire if you’re asking Trump himself) who is leading the scavenger hunt. Tired of all of the hubbub about where he was born, the President is finally taking matters into his own hands by offering up an authentic treasure map to throw Trump off the birther scent.

The Donald has been all over the airwaves bragging that he will have the proof he and the rest of the birthers are looking for soon enough to prove once and for all Barack Obama does not meet the residency requirements to be President of the United States. Not since Geraldo Rivera hyped the much-anticipated opening of Al Capone’s Vault has America been treated to this level of hyperbole. Everyone, including those who are repulsed by the thought of anyone going to such lengths to discredit our own President, are giving Trump an over-abundance of attention whether he deserves it or not.

While the President is confident that Mr. Trump will meet with the same failure as others that have gone before him on the same holy grail-type quest, he does worry that the Donald may use some of his millions (or billions depending on who you ask) to buy a fake Kenyan birth certificate that is more authentic looking than the Hawaiian one.

Fortunately, Obama possesses the one thing that will throw Trump off the birther scent, i.e. an authentic treasure map showing the exact location of what Obama calls “the mother of all treasure chests buried right in the back yard of the home I was born in.” Obama’s supporters never wavered in their belief that Obama is telling the truth, but now, with the treasure map, they claim that the path to re-election remains very strong.

“We have to admit, we were a bit worried when the Donald appeared on “The View” and couldn’t be forced to stomp off the stage like so many Obama-haters before him,” said Harmony Driggers, co-chairman of the San Francisco chapter of the Keep Obama President movement. “I mean, I watched that segment and you couldn’t pry the guy off the stage if you tried. He was very adamant. I have to admit that it was worrisome. At least, it was worrisome until this treasure map suddenly emerged. Mr. Obama never ceases to amaze us.”

Ironically, the treasure map places the location of the treasure, which is reportedly valued in the hundreds of millions (enough to push Trump truly into the billionaire realm), just outside the back door of the home where Barack Obama’s mother lived at the time of his birth. “We obviously know that Donald Trump can’t resist a good treasure hunt, whether the actual treasure is there or not,” said Obama as he and his family headed off on an unscheduled trip to Hawaii for, what he called, “another little trip back home.”