Donald Trump Dons Blackface to Prove He is Not Racist

Donald Trump decided to pull out all the stops to put to rest once and for all the ridiculous notion that he is a racist. Scheduled to speak before a group of business leaders at his alma mater, Wharton School of Business in Philadelphia, Trump stepped onto the stage donning traditional blackface.

The first words out of his mouth were “I love the blacks.” The crowd sat in stunned silence as Trump then did what no other white presidential hopeful has done in the history of the United States. He stepped away from the podium and started to tap dance to the tune of “Mr. Bojangles.”

As the music came to an end, Trump walked back to the podium and gave a speech no one in the room will possibly forget for the remainder of their lives. “Yes, folks, I love the blacks and anyone who says I don’t can kiss my lily-white ass.”

“The same goes for the Jews,” he said. Trump went on to claim that he doesn’t apologize a bit for hiring only Jewish accountants. “Folks, if you want real ham, you don’t try and make it from a turkey, do you?”

Most of the business people in attendance were not the least bit offended by what they perceived as Donald Trump’s very real affection for the minorities he spoke about. “He didn’t get where he is by cottoning to people’s feelings,” said a close friend in attendance at the conference.

Trump finished up by telling everyone that while he is pretty accepting of all peoples, he did admit he had a problem with the Chinese. “Those bastards I don’t trust,” he said. “Although, I have to admit, I won’t send my laundry to anyone else. They really know how to get my whites the whitest.”