Rich Hoarder Found in Filthy Home Amid Piles of Money

City workers with the local Health Department in Dallas, Texas, were called to the 1300 Block of Throckmorton Street on a tip from an anonymous caller who suspected her neighbor of being a hoarder.

Upon arriving at the location, the task force found one Thurston R. Minedigger III, sitting amid piles and piles of wet moldy money. The home smelled strongly of human feces and un-rinsed jars of caviar, but the most striking difference between Minedigger's home and that of a normal hoarder is the amount of money stacked throughout the home.

"There were piles and piles of thousand dollar bills stacked from floor to ceiling," said Monica Norwalk, a City worker whose job it is to check out complaints received by the Health Department.

"I don't think I've ever seen anything like this before in my life. And, if you have never smelled that much money in one place, let me tell you, it is not a pleasant smell.

I cannot imagine what it would be like having to work around money all day long," she said.

When workers tried to take Minedigger from his home so that they could clean it up, he became irate.

"You city workers are going to steal from me, aren't you?" he shouted at them.

"I know what you make, and I know that if I left you alone in this apartment for only a few seconds, the place would be picked clean in no time."

The workers tried to convince Mr. Minedigger that they were only there to protect him from himself; however, Mr. Minedigger was convinced that the poor were eventually going to take all his money and he had to protect every single dime.

A television in the corner of the room was tuned to Fox News, and ironically, Fox News Host Stuart Varney was discussing how much more the rich are having to pay in taxes and how it is going to federal aid programs for the poor.

Minedigger's eyes seemed to glaze over when the workers tried to pry the thousands of dollars from his hands in order to restrain him and take him from the home.

"My grandfather, Thurston Minedigger, worked his ass off for this money. Take your hands off me you ruffians," he shouted. "Where is my lawyer?"

A voice from under a pile of money near the dining area answered "Here, sir, I'm right here," as he stuffed piles of money in his pocket and tried to make his way to the front door.

Once Mr. Minedigger was restrained and ready to be escorted from the home, a social worker tried to talk to him about his options.

"We have a camera crew waiting just outside the door, Mr. Minedigger, and it is our obligation to let you know that this scene will be filmed and aired on national television on the A&E Channel next season. You could make anywhere in the neighborhood of $10 to $15 thousand dollars for your story."

Mr. Minedigger seemed to calm down upon hearing this and agreed to allow the crew in to film his segment of the Hoarders television show. The name of the segment is being tentatively called "Dirty, Filthy Money."

Once he was in the custody of the social workers, the A&E Crew moved in to the penthouse to start filming the clean up.

City workers estimate the amount of money found in Minedigger's penthouse ranges anywhere from a couple thousand to a few million, depending on whom you ask once the crews finished cleaning up. 

Minedigger's attorney refused to be interviewed on or off camera.

Don’t Blame the Rich, It’s a Generational Thing

Just as the rich say that breaking the cycle of poverty is a never-ending battle because it is self-perpetuating, some are now using that same logic to try and explain the unmitigated greed that is threatening to tear apart entire states such as Wisconsin and Michigan.

The rich, or as they like to refer to themselves as “the haves” say they simply can’t help it. “We were born this way. It’s how we were raised,” claims Thurston B. Howell III, no relation to the millionaire played by Jim Backus in the hit television show Gilligan’s Island. His wife, whom he nicknamed “Lovey” agreed. “Yeahssss, I agree with Thurston, except in my case, I married into the money, but same concept I suppose.”

The rich say they are tired of being blamed for the greedy way they try to buy power and influence. One billionaire, who asked to remain nameless because he can, had this to say, “Even if I wanted to, I simply do not know the first thing about how to break my own cycle of wealth.”

He related this horrific story. “I honestly tried going to a Walmart once to buy some Clamato juice as we’d run out on the yacht and our servants all had the day off for some inexplicable reason. As I drove the Bentley to the door labeled Food Center, there was no one at the curb to open the door for me and park my car. I lost all sense of where I was. It was awful. I had to turn around and go back to the yacht empty-handed.”

On the bright side, there are way less uber rich than poor folks. Therefore, the chances of ever seeing rich people picketing in the streets for their rights are slim to none.

‘Nouveau Homeless’ Emerge as Travel to Super Bowl Sacked by Mother Nature

Thousands of Steelers and Packers fans found it almost impossible to get to Arlington, Texas for the Super Bowl game to be played on Sunday. Some are telling travel hell stories straight from the play books of the comedy film “Planes, Trains and Automobiles. One weary traveler stranded at Columbus International Airport Friday night was overheard telling his wife, “We'd have more luck playing pickup sticks with our butt-cheeks than we will getting a flight out of here before daybreak.” Sam Whetsack, an investment banker, and his wife Mildred had planned on arriving in Dallas a couple of days before the game when they found out their Friday morning flight routed through Chicago had been cancelled.

The Whetsacks were only one couple in a sea of thousands whose only chance of making it to Dallas might be hitching a ride with a rental van full of Mexican migrant workers making their way to the tomato picking fields in Arizona. Melissa Sizedee, a college student traveling with her sorority sisters to the game was sitting on the floor at Chicago OHare on a beach towel she’d grabbed out of her bag. Sizedee was visibly shaken by the whole ordeal.

“Now I know what it is like to be homeless and living on the streets. If it weren’t for the hope of finally getting to Dallas and my nice warm room at the Hilton, I’d turn around and ask mummy and daddy to come pick me up—could someone pleeeeze go get me another double espresso con panna?”

All over the country, the rich travelers were feeling the inconvenience of not getting exactly what they wanted when they wanted it. Dick Hedley, traveling with his wife and three children, was extremely vocal about the perceived lack of service he experienced in trying to get from New York to Dallas. Hedley had been stranded in the airport for more than an hour when he demanded the airline put him up in a hotel and pay for all meals until his flight left. The ticket agent explained to him that it was only a two-hour delay, at which Mr. Hedley replied, “Well, add another hour to that, and we may as well consider ourselves homeless.”

In fact, the word homelessness was bandied about quite frequently by the well-off travelers as they tried to find a suitable word to depict the inconvenience they were witnessing first hand trying to get the to the years’s hottest sporting event. Overheard were statements like “Hey, Marie, take a picture of me sitting on the floor like a beggar,” and  “Johnnie, if we don’t get something to eat pretty soon, I may have to start rummaging in the garbage bins, ha ha.” One traveler, when told he would have a three-hour wait at LaGuardia asked the one airline worker “well, do you think you could hook me up then with a large cardboard box to sleep in while I wait?”

That just goes to show that someone has been paying attention these past few years on all those reports about the homeless. Finally, someone gets it. All it takes is a bit of inconvenience to bring the message home.