Dick Cheney Has Oil on Hands in Oil Spill Mess

“Oh what an oily mess we make when kickbacks from Halliburton we do take,” should have screamed the headlines in this morning’s newspapers across the land. But alas, it was not to be. Instead, the only media outlets to pick up on the story of Halliburton’s very real involvement in the construction, and ultimate destruction, of the oil platform owned by British Petroleum were the liberal news outlets. And we know what that means…liberals are always looking for a way to bring down Dick Cheney.

“It’s old news,” claimed Cheney himself as he stepped out on his lawn to shoo liberal reporters away who had gathered overnight outside his home—a home they say that was partially paid for by big oil.

One reporter, bold enough to get within spitting distance of Cheney asked “is it true, Mr. Cheney that just before taking office as Vice President of the United States, you were the CEO of Halliburton and upon leaving them were given a $34 million dollar severance package, along with almost that much more in stock options?”

Cheney just waved his arm in a sweeping motion inviting the camera crews to pan his home and smiled.

Another reporter took his cue, “and is it not true, Mr. Cheney that once in office, you held private meetings with oil executives at the White House without allowing the press inside those meetings?”

Still smiling, Cheney called for his maid to bring him his morning coffee, but making it painfully obvious that he was in no mood to offer coffee to his inquisitors.

“And, sir,” the reporter continued, “did you not, upon taking power in office, appoint former Halliburton associates to regulatory positions overseeing the oil industry standards which ultimately led to their recommendations that the oil companies were not required to install certain switches which would have most likely prevented the massive explosion in the present case but were deemed too costly?”

Cheney thought for a moment, and smiled.

And finally, Cheney was asked, “isn’t it true sir that finally, after all these years of trying to catch you red-handed with the necessary facts to bring you up on charges of crimes committed while you held the office of Vice President, you aren’t just a tad frightened by the liberal press standing before you today?”

Cheney, seemingly unfazed and even a bit charming in front of the cameras, smiled to the reporters and simply said “Hey guys, and gals, I’m going hunting this afternoon and I’d love for you all to come along as my guests.”