Some cities hardest hit by the ever-worsening recession have
come up with a way to kill two birds with one stone so to speak. They are
urging the poorest of their citizens to take aim at the over abundance of
pigeons soiling the cities’ sidewalks and advising them to cook the birds in
place of turkeys this year for Thanksgiving.
Even though turkey prices haven’t changed much since last
year and are, in fact, a bit cheaper this year, due to the reduction in
benefits received by millions of families under the food stamp program
beginning the 1st of this month means many families will have to
forego the traditional Thanksgiving meal this year. Interestingly, the average
amount an individual food stamp recipient will now receive is $11 less per
month, which just happens to amount to the average price of a turkey large
enough to feed a family of 4-6.
“While we should be ashamed of the fact that our poorest
citizens are having to scramble to feed their families overall, let alone,
provide a nice meal on Thanksgiving day,” said George Rosevelt, City Manager of
Chicago, Illinois, “the fact of the matter is, the cut in the food stamp
program beginning November 1st has sent a clear message to the hungry.”
“Which is?” asked a reporter from Fox News, sent to cover
the story.
Rosevelt went on to explain a program he and managers
from other larger cities around the country came up with when they learned of
the cuts scheduled to take place in the food stamp program.
“We could not, in all good conscience, leave our poorest
citizens out in the cold without some sort of coping mechanism to deploy in
order to provide sustenance for their family units during one of the most
revered holidays this country enjoys. While barnstorming many ideas, one city manager
came up with the idea of allowing a day of squab hunting for citizens who could
show a need for some type of alternative protein for the holidays.”
Rosevelt stated that other animals were mentioned in the
meeting to meet a minimum in dietary guidelines according to the USDA,
including squirrels, whose numbers also present a problem for most cities.
However, seeing as the Thanksgiving holiday is centered around a bird, the
pigeons got an immediate yes vote from an overwhelming majority of those
managers in attendance.
“That, and the fact that when you mention pigeon for
dinner, it sounds so awful, but fortunately, when you use the word ‘squab,’
well, it seems almost as if we are allowing poor families to dine one day out
of the year like the wealthy.”
When asked if the governance of these cities could exert
some pressure on Congress to reverse the cut in food stamps for the poorest, especially
during the holiday season, Rosevelt replied that was never a consideration.
“You can’t fight City Hall,” he replied, using the
age-old adage in a ‘turnabout is fair play’ sort of way, to indicate that even
in light of the dire situation his city’s poorest face, he still has the
ability to find some humor in the tragedy unfolding across America.
