Tareq Salahi Crashes Ex-Wife, Michaele's Wedding

For those of you who haven't heard, Michaele Salahi, one-half of the duo who crashed a White House state dinner in 2009, left her boring, yet thrill-seeking husband, Tareq, and ran off with Journey guitarist, Neal Schon.

The wedding occurred last week, and, for those wishing they were bold enough to crash it were, instead, invited to pay a hefty sum to watch the whole thing on pay-per-view.

Dave Schwinkdinkler, a biker and avid Journey fan, decided that although he totally hates Michaele Salahi, he would pay for the wedding just to watch the parts where Neal Schon speaks.

"Then outta nowhere comes this dude man, in a tuxedo. He's like in every scene of the wedding. It was bizarre," said Schwinkdinkler.

Schwinkdinkler was referring to Tareq Salahi, ex-husband of Michaele Salahi. Evidently, Tareq ignored a restraining order Michaele had filed just days before the wedding ordering Tareq to stay at least 1000 yards clear of any wedding venue, including the rehearsal dinner which took place at a swanky San Francisco restaurant.

Dressed in the same tuxedo he wore back in 2009 when he and then wife, Michaele weaseled their way into a White House state dinner, Tareq pretended he was one of the wait staff, and you can actually see in the film footage the jilted lover sticking his finger in the finger sandwiches which were then served to Michaele.

"It was classic, man," said Schwinkdinkler.

"I wish I had the balls to do that when my old lady left me for the guy who ran the laundromat down the street."

Tareq Salahi Talks Sex, Lies and Videotape to Prove It

Tareq and Michaele Salahi 

Inspiration for Hit Movie "True Lies"

Tareq Salahi is coming out with both guns blazing against his estranged wife, Michaele Salahi, during what one attorney described as one of the most boring celebrity divorce proceedings to ever hit the tabloids.

David Squire, attorney for a group of creditors trying to collect debts owed by the Salahis, claims that he is privy to some really raunchy goings on while the couple were a couple before Michaele left Tariq for musician Neil Schon. “Unfortunately,” he says “none of it is true. They’re both liars,” Squire told Weird News Weekly. It may take years to unravel the lies and deception these two leveled toward each other,” he added.

Tareq disagrees. “I have videotape to prove it, and I’m ready to disgrace myself and what little family I have left by releasing tapes of Michaele and me dressed up like monkeys and doing the tango, if the price is right.”

Tareq was then given the opportunity to retract the statement after it was discovered that the monkey suit he was wearing in the video was actually an ordinary tuxedo and Michaele could not be found anywhere in the room.

Tareq didn’t miss a beat as he then told the newspaper that he was actually an undercover agent for the CIA and only married Michaele to keep close tabs on her as she was considered one of the ringleaders of a Lithuanian Spy Group trying to break one of Washington D.C.’s most elite socialite codes.

For Michele’s part, the former model/cheerleader/college graduate/terminally ill patient says that Tareq is just making the whole thing up to make her look bad.

“He’s just jealous. I happen to know a little something about psychology, having received my Doctorate from Princeton,” said Michaele, “and if anyone is lying, it’s Tareq," said the newly-married queen of deception.

Tareq Salahi Arrested for Attempting to Fence Stolen Items

Scene of missing bathrobe

Tareq Salahi must not have been thinking when, in order to get back at his wife Michaele, who left him for Journey member, Neal Schon, announced to the world that he was selling about 50 bathrobes his wife had stolen over the years from various luxury hotels.

After admitting to the folks over at TMZ that he was divorcing Michaele and selling off various items from their marriage, including the stolen bathrobe collection, police quickly arrested Tareq Salahi on a federal warrant. “Since the stolen bathrobes were taken across state lines, the charges were filed by federal prosecutors,” said a spokesperson close to the Tareq family.

Meanwhile, word from Michaele’s close friends is that she is having the time of her life, and when she heard that Tareq was offering the bathrobes for sale, she answered “That’s fine with me. I’m with a real hottie now. Who needs a stinkin’ bathrobe anyway?”

Michaele Salahi Not Abducted by Aliens After All; She's Just Rocking Out

Michaele Salahi was reported missing by her husband Tareq Salahi on Wednesday when he looked all around their house and couldn’t find her. Her usual lipstick-stained coffee mug with her name on it in gold was not in the kitchen sink, and the bed on her side of the room looked as if it had been slept in but was empty.

Tareq Salahi reported his wife Michaele Salahi missing and told Warren County, Virginia authorities that he thought aliens might be to blame.

“I saw flashing lights in the driveway around 6 a.m.,” said Tareq, “heard the clear humming of an engine that might have been the hum of a spaceship, and the eerie shadows on the wall of a tall, gaunt figure running down the hall.”

Tareq claims that at first, he thought he was dreaming and went back to sleep but when he awoke hours later, Michaele was nowhere to be found.

Tareq assumes it could only have been aliens as Michaele would never leave without telling him exactly where she was going. It was just something they did.

Once the story of her disappearance hit the wires, however, a different explanation emerged. “She went running off with a rock star,” said Michaele’s sister, Ann Coulter. “I mean, really, have you seen Tareq? I wonder why it took her this long to finally ditch his ass.”

Michaele Salahi has been found in Tennessee in the arms of Neal Schon of the band, Journey. When asked if she has anything to say to Tareq, she said “Yeah, I want my coffee mug, oh and Rock On, Dude!” Salahi added, “This is so much cooler than hanging out in the White House.”

 

Michaele Salahi Snorts Heroin to Get Back on Celebrity Rehab

Michaele Salahi was recently kicked off the reality show Celebrity Rehab due to the fact that she couldn’t produce a discernable addiction. Now, her husband Tareq has threatened to sue if they don’t take her back.

The Salahis claim that Michaele is probably more messed up than anyone on the show, but not having a visible addiction or affliction is keeping her from being able to participate in the rehabilitation program. So, in a last-ditch effort, the Salahis have taken what money they have left and bought a large amount of heroin. Michaele has been snorting the stuff several times daily in an effort to get herself hooked to the point where she is damaged enough to appear on the show to see if she can get herself off the stuff and rehabilitated.

In a letter to the show’s Dr. Drew, Tareq writes “My bitch Michaele is on the horse, man, and I can’t get her off the smack. We busted into the White House but now we have the White House monkey on our back. Dr. Dude, we need your help.”

Sources close to Dr. Drew claim that he is still not buying into the whole Salahi ruse. “If, in fact, Michaele is doing heroin to get on the show, she needs help,” he said. “She won’t find it here. This is called ‘Celebrity Rehab’ for a reason.”