President Obama has asked the White House kitchen staff
to order up a couple cases of Texas’ best Shiner Bock and to “make some of
those delicious wiener puffs and cheez whiz thingies” for a special beer summit
he is planning within the next two weeks.
“I know my re-election for some, especially folks who
live in the redder states, is a tough pill to swallow, so I’m inviting them
here for a beer summit to see if we can find some common ground,” said the
ever-optimistic Commander-in-Chief.
Obama admits the first beer summit (between a black
Harvard professor and the white police officer who arrested him) wasn’t exactly
a success as neither party showed signs of changing their stands and accepting
any apologies, but he is sure of one thing.
“Beer is the universal language of men,” said the
President. “Give a guy a free beer and he has to do two things…(1) he has to
drink it, and (2) he has to at least acknowledge the guy who bought it for him.
Those are the rules of buying a round.”
“Not so fast” said Texas governor Rick Perry upon
learning of the beer summit.
“Oh, he may get us to the White House on the promise of
free beer, but I guarantee he ain’t gonna like what we have to say once we get
a few rounds in us.”
Perry was likely referring to his upcoming agenda to
ignore certain mandates of Obamacare as well as lead other states in their
threat to secede from the union. It appeared that Perry and others may accept
the invitation to the Haters Beer Summit simply to “cop a buzz from the
President, and that’s about it” as Florida Governor Rick Scott put it.
This didn’t seem to deter Obama one bit, however.
“Not a problem,” said the confident President.
“If the Haters Beer Summit takes a nasty turn for the
worse,” he said, “we’ve already come up with a Plan B. We’ll just spin it as a
Good-Bye/Good Luck Party for all those who wish to secede because honestly, it’s
the best idea they’ve had all year.”
