Candy Throwing Incident at White House Further Strains US/Afghanistan Relations

Relations between Afghanistan and the United States were further strained last week due to an unfortunate misunderstanding involving President Obama and the Afghani leader, Hamid Karzai.

The incident happened in the Oval office as the two were just sitting down to discuss what could be done to repair broken ties between the two countries. Evidently, taking his cue from the U.S. summer hit television show “Dating in the Dark,” Karzai took out a box of smoked salt caramels (Obama’s favorite candy) and proceeded to hurl them one at a time in the direction of the President. Unable to fend off the barrage of confections, Obama took direct hits on the side of his nose as well as to the corner of his left eye.

Upon hearing Obama’s cries for help, secret service officers rushed into the room in time to witness Obama diving under his presidential desk, as Karzai continued to lob the candy in his direction.

Karzai was taken into custody and upon interrogation, gave this account of the incident. “I love American television and I watch it every day. When I saw the episode on ‘Dating in the Dark,’ where one girl took a piece of candy and threw it at another girl and hit her in the face, I thought that throwing candy was a sign of affection in America. I found out that President Obama’s favorite candy comes from Fran’s Chocolates in Seattle, and I had my secretary secure a box of the caramels so that I could throw them to him during our meeting.” He continued, “I do not know what all the fuss is about. It’s not like I threw a shoe at President Obama. I thought I was honoring him by pelting him with his favorite treats.”

Once Karzai was restrained, the officers went back into the Oval Office to find Obama still hunkered down under his desk, chewing on one of the offending missiles. “At least Hamid threw the correct candy,” Obama mused. “God forbid he would throw ordinary Kraft caramels at me.”

“The President was pretty banged up,” one of the officers commented. “He looked like he had just gotten out of the ring with Joe Louis. He is gonna have one hell of a shiner come tomorrow morning.”

The meeting between Obama and Karzai was cancelled and a new meeting date was not announced. “We need to take a close look at this incident to determine whether President Karzai’s excuse that he thought throwing candy at someone in America was considered an act of endearment, or whether he intentionally meant to harm the President,” said a White House spokesperson. “Until we can assure the complete safety of President Obama, there will be no more meetings between him and Karzai.”

When asked if he’ll be more careful about the American shows he watches in the future, Karzai had this to say, “No, I’m sorry to say, that I am hooked on American television. I am looking forward with great interest to season 8 of the series “24.” There is so much good stuff on that show, I don’t miss an episode.” With that, Karzai was whisked away to the airport and his flight home to Afghanistan.