Rioting in Vancouver Saves Couple’s Marriage

Photo: Rich Lam/Getty Images

Rick Barris, a resident of Vancouver, British Columbia, now knows what he has to do to keep the embers of his marriage smoldering—throw rocks and bottles at police cars.

Rick was caught in the middle of a downtown riot after the Vancouver Canucks hockey team lost to the Boston Bruins 4-0 thereby losing the Stanley Cup. He was taking his wife Katie home after the game and found himself in a situation where it was fight for your life or run like a chicken. Rick decided to fight, but he wasn’t prepared for the reaction it got from Katie, who happens to be an even bigger fan than he of the Canucks.

“I saw Rick chucking bricks at police cars and helping overturn them and got so excited, I just can’t explain it. I know what he was doing was wrong,” she continued, tossing her blond locks to one side and smiling ever so slightly, “but it really turned me on. I stopped Rick, mid-brick, and told him ‘take me here, take me now,’ and we ended up making love right in the middle of the riots.”

The couple had been going through a real rough patch in the bedroom ever since Rick was told he had high blood pressure and was prescribed medication. “We tried everything,” said Katie. “Gels, lotions, potions, porn and more, but the flame was out and we were headed for divorce,” she said.

Rick agreed. “Yeah, just before the game, as a matter of fact, I had told Katie that I was thinking of just chucking it in and going back to live with my mom. I’m a huge Canucks fan,” he said, “but I couldn’t be happier that the Bruins kicked their ass.”

Rick claims that he doesn’t know what got into Katie but thinks it had something to do with them both being surrounded by flames, mayhem, and danger “and there I was making hot, passionate love to my wife right in the middle of it all. Now I know literally what it feels like to be Bruce Willis in his Die Hard days,” said Rick.

Rick says he and Katie have discussed what happened at length and have agreed that if they’re fortunate, they can find enough brawls to get involved in on an ongoing basis so that Rick will never have to take a tiny blue pill again for as long as he lives.