Crystal Harris Cancels Wedding After Learning Hef Plans Honeymoon for Five

The Caldwell Triplets are going to have to find something else to do for the next ten days because the honeymoon they were invited to go on with Hugh Hefner and his anticipated new bride Crystal Harris has been cancelled.

Harris would not give a specific reason for cancelling the wedding but insiders claim that the whole event came to a screeching halt when Crystal found five plane tickets in Hef’s smoking jacket for a trip to Tahiti.

“Ms. Harris was devastated to learn that her intended husband had no intention of changing his ways and realized that her honeymoon was going to be more like a ‘honeys moon’ as Sissy, Sassy and Missy Caldwell were invited to share the honeymoon suite with the happy couple,” said an unidentified aid to Mr. Hefner.

This wasn’t the first red flag thrown in Crystal’s face leading up to the wedding. Rumor has it that Hef took it upon himself to plan Crystal’s bachelorette party right down to the Harvey Wallbangers and skinny dipping in the mansion hot tub.

“It was like the 70’s all over again,” said Crystal. How can I compete with the 70’s? I’m only 25 freakin’ years old. Crystal claims that she totally lost it when the Caldwell sisters, who are all visibly over the age of 29, showed up for the party wearing paisley midriffs and daisy dukes.

Asked how she even knew what paisley was, Crystal replied “Oh I know what that is because every freakin’ smoking jacket Hef owns is lined with it. In fact,” she said, “I think I may be ruined for life because every time I see paisley now, I get an image of an old wrinkly man. Jesus, what the hell was I thinking?” she said as she left the mansion.