Sunday, May 26, 2013

Family Van Swallowed Up by Mysterious Quicksand near Daytona Beach

2012 Photo of Lindner Van at Daytona Beach
New Smyrna Beach, FL – Tragedy marked the beginning of Memorial Day weekend in New Smyrna Beach when late Saturday afternoon, a van belonging to an Indiana family of six suddenly disappeared into the sand leaving no trace.

As onlookers watched, the family tried frantically to save their family vehicle from becoming entrapped in the bowels of the beach. Fortunately, no family members were in the van as it was swallowed up by the fast-moving sand. Even the family dog, Gonzo, an adorable Cairn Terrier, was spared an agonizingly slow death as one family member caught him by the tail and “pulled like hell” as he watched his specially-equipped Chrysler Caravan sink from view.

“Gonzo almost bought the farm, or in this case, the beach,” said Samuel “Sam” Lindner from Indianapolis, Indiana, father and proud owner of the van.

“He’s a tough one though. He loves having his tail tugged on, and in this case, it saved his life.”

Mindy Linder, 16, was inconsolable as she realized her most prized possession in the whole world, a diary that held all her secrets, a diary she had been keeping since the age of 12, was lost along with the van.

“All my memories are gone forever,” Mindy whined as she recalled how she had just finished writing an entry about the two Puerto Rican boys known only to her as Chico and [the] Man, both 17, who had lavished unusual attention on her as they cavorted (not her word) in the surf, a happy threesome making some very special memories that Mindy says are now lost forever.

“I told the boys I’d be right back and ran to the van. I didn’t want that moment to slip away, and so I wrote furiously about every detail, finished with my trademark, ‘smooches’ and then put the diary in my backpack and went back for more fun with my new-found local friends.”

Witnesses say it happened so fast they didn’t even realize the van was sinking until they saw the bright orange tennis ball at the tip of the CB antenna fall below the surface.

Lifeguards were quick to move the onlookers and curious gawkers off the beach and called 911 and then Jim Cantore, who, to folks along Florida’s coasts, is the man to see when severe weather events take place.

Fortunately, the Lindner family has relatives living close by in Orlando, and will be spending the remainder of their vacation there while making arrangements to rent a car and drive back to Indiana.

Sam Lindner was devastated. 

“That van was my whole world. I’d go out at night to the local 7-Eleven parking lot and sit there well into the wee hours chatting on the CB to my friends. And now that is all gone.”

Asked for one parting statement, Sam simply said “See ya on the flip flop.”

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Letters from Celebrity Summer Camp


Ed Note: Yet another reprise of camp stories since summer camp season is just around the corner. Enjoy

Here are a couple of letters from the older teens who have 'been there and done that.'


Dear Mother,

I just cannot believe how utterly ridiculous this camp is. I mean, they make us do everything for ourselves. I actually have to make my own bed in the morning, and I have now been told that if I want clean shorts, that I, Me! will have to wash the dirty ones out myself. This is a travesty!

And you simply won't believe the almost inedible food I am being made to eat every meal. Do these people not know about indoor cooking? Last night I actually had to eat beans from a can. I know you are doing this to make me a better person, but honestly, mother, this is going too far.

I am totally unable to relate to my bunk mate. She simply doesn't have the upbringing that I have had, and it is a struggle just to have a conversation with her. Last night she started to tell me her life story practically. I mean, really, quick way to bore someone, am I right?

On the bright side, I can't wait to brag to all my friends that you sent me to the best drama camp in the country this summer. Kudos to you on that, mummy.

Literally yours,
Kylie Kardashian
Camp Cinderella

P.S. Is this the same drama camp you sent Kim and Khloe to when they were my age?

                          ******

Dad, Sir!

I am only writing this because I was told that if I do not write home every other day, I will get latrine duty and I don't want latrine duty.

So, I really must ask this question, when you sent me to Marine Military Camp, did you know that they have a don't ask, don't tell policy? Actually, of course, it didn't enter your mind because how could the thought of possibly having a gay son ever enter your mind? After all, you are all man and all we've ever talked about was guns, sports and how to keep women in their place, eh pop?

Well, this little experience in testosterone hell has taught me a lot about myself. I found out that there are more gay boys my age interested in the military than I could have ever imagined.

I have to admit, the pugil stick pit and the firing range aren't really my cup of tea, but come lights out, this little camp starts a hoppin'. I am so thankful you didn't listen to me when I told you I'd rather go to ballet camp (my tutu is actually a big hit).

Have I told you lately I love you dad? Not in a gay way, of course, so don't get crazy on me. Just want to say thank you for opening my eyes and helping me make the most important decision of my life. I hope you and mom will be able to come to watch me in the mud-wrestling matches this Saturday. They say I am a natural.

Semper fi.

Mel, Jr.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Blog Update

I know I've not been posting new stories lately due to health issues, but I'll be back so please hang in there with me a little while longer and before you know it, I'll have a good one up.

Cheers and thanks to all my loyal readers.

P. Beckert