Letters from Celebrity Summer Camp

Ed Note: Yet another reprise of camp stories since summer camp season is just around the corner. Enjoy

Here are a couple of letters from the older teens who have 'been there and done that.'

Dear Mother,

I just cannot believe how utterly ridiculous this camp is. I mean, they make us do everything for ourselves. I actually have to make my own bed in the morning, and I have now been told that if I want clean shorts, that I, Me! will have to wash the dirty ones out myself. This is a travesty!

And you simply won't believe the almost inedible food I am being made to eat every meal. Do these people not know about indoor cooking? Last night I actually had to eat beans from a can. I know you are doing this to make me a better person, but honestly, mother, this is going too far.

I am totally unable to relate to my bunk mate. She simply doesn't have the upbringing that I have had, and it is a struggle just to have a conversation with her. Last night she started to tell me her life story practically. I mean, really, quick way to bore someone, am I right?

On the bright side, I can't wait to brag to all my friends that you sent me to the best drama camp in the country this summer. Kudos to you on that, mummy.

Literally yours,

Kylie Kardashian

Camp Cinderella

P.S. Is this the same drama camp you sent Kim and Khloe to when they were my age?

                          ******

Dad, Sir!

I am only writing this because I was told that if I do not write home every other day, I will get latrine duty and I don't want latrine duty.

So, I really must ask this question, when you sent me to Marine Military Camp, did you know that they have a don't ask, don't tell policy? Actually, of course, it didn't enter your mind because how could the thought of possibly having a gay son ever enter your mind? After all, you are all man and all we've ever talked about was guns, sports and how to keep women in their place, eh pop?

Well, this little experience in testosterone hell has taught me a lot about myself. I found out that there are more gay boys my age interested in the military than I could have ever imagined.

I have to admit, the pugil stick pit and the firing range aren't really my cup of tea, but come lights out, this little camp starts a hoppin'. I am so thankful you didn't listen to me when I told you I'd rather go to ballet camp (my tutu is actually a big hit).

Have I told you lately I love you dad? Not in a gay way, of course, so don't get crazy on me. Just want to say thank you for opening my eyes and helping me make the most important decision of my life. I hope you and mom will be able to come to watch me in the mud-wrestling matches this Saturday. They say I am a natural.

Semper fi.

Mel, Jr.