Bumper Crop of Medical Marijuana Expected in White House Garden

Thanks to a wet and mild spring in the nation’s capital this year, a bumper crop of medical marijuana is expected in the White House garden. Tommy Chong, chief Japanese gardener, (no relation to that other Tommy Chong) claims the plants have started taking over the entire garden.

“This is the first year we decided to grow cannabis in the herb section of the garden,” says Chong “and it’s taking over the place. We’ve got some plants reaching the 2-foot height already and this is only May. We tried cutting the plants back to allow the other herbs to grow, but it just seems to create a stronger plant. The damn things are like those Tribbles in Star Trek. You can’t get rid of them.”

Chong added, half jokingly, “I suspect one of the gardening interns has been sneaking extra plant food to the pot plants to make sure they live long and prosper.”

News of an over-abundant crop of marijuana coming out of the White House garden has already created quite a buzz in medical marijuana circles around the country. Requests are pouring in from dozens of dispensaries inquiring what the White House intends to do with all that pot and offering to take the majority of it off their hands.

Bud Wilkins, who runs the Acme Collective in Sacramento, California, says that as soon as he heard there would be a bumper crop of Maui Waui ready for cultivation later this summer, he jumped on the horn to the White House spokesperson in charge of the project asking for a hand out.

“I remember reading somewhere that the White House issued a statement earlier in the year saying that the pot would not be distributed to local dispensaries. That damn near brought tears to my eyes,” said Wilkins. “I figured since we’re not local, I had to give it a shot.”

Several groups from California, Colorado and Oregon have put in bids as well to try and get some of the primo pot to hand out to their patients. Mary Bridges, official spokesperson for the pet pot project at the White House says she sees no reason why the bumper crop shouldn’t be distributed to those in need of it. “Now all we have to do is sell the President on the idea,” she said.

Bridges surmised that it wouldn’t be much of a problem at all convincing the President and First Lady to distribute the pot to those who need it the most. “After all,” she said, “he has pretty much proven he’ll do just about anything to make sure Americans get the best of everything when it comes to health care.”

Obama Not Reading Book Upside Down When Bin Laden Killed

It has already started, the “What were you doing when you heard the news that Osama bin Laden was killed?” Most of us were getting ready for bed or already there on a Sunday evening when the news broke. Not much else to remember, just that as soon as we heard, we couldn’t turn off the television.

Same thing with the bombing of the twin towers on 9/11. Almost. Yes, to this day, we ask each other “Do you remember where you were or what you were doing when the twin towers were destroyed?” What sticks in my mind more than anything is the vision of watching then President George W. Bush sitting in front of a group of young children, reading to them from a book that just happened to be upside down. At that moment I knew that George W. Bush knew before any of us exactly what was going down.

I was working in Bradenton, Florida, just about 5 miles up the road from the very school in Sarasota, Florida where our President was when the towers came under attack. I watched the horror unfold on the televisions set up in the game room of the company I worked for while simultaneously looking out the door of the building and up into the sky to watch as Air Force One took off, scurrying our President presumably back toward the nation’s capital, but now knowing he probably wouldn’t be brought there until the danger had passed.

That was almost ten years ago and none of it has blurred. What I remember most, besides the vision of the planes flying into the side of those towers, is that upside down book and the look on George W. Bush’s face. I can’t remember seeing surprise, which actually surprised me and, to this day, still does. There was no reaction whatsoever, just a limp book in his hands as he seemed to be listening to someone telling him something. I remember imagining someone saying to him “Ok, now George, put the book down, get up slowly, and don’t let on that anything is amiss,” or something to that effect.

And then this past Sunday, my first knowledge of the news that Osama bin Laden had been killed came by reading the news online. I immediately turned on the television and the oddest thing came to mind. I’d lay odds President Barack Obama was not reading a book upside down when the deal went down.

Kate Gosselin Prefers Camping Down Under to Palin’s Alaska

It took mere seconds into the filming of a camping trip in Australia for Kate Gosselin of Kate Plus 8 to make it quite clear that the outdoors she and the kiddies experienced in Australia was far superior and way more enjoyable than that introduced to them in Alaska as guests of Sarah Palin.

“Finally,” said Gosselin after climbing out of her spacious tent in the Outback, “I can show the world that I’m not a sniveling, whining princess who can’t survive in the wilderness.” The fact that she had her own toilet tent, something other than leaves to wipe herself, and her own personal entourage of make-up artists and hair stylists tagging along, didn’t hurt. Not to mention, the only bears she needed to fear in this environment were cuddly koalas.

What Gosselin didn’t bring up was the fact that when told she’d be going on another camping trip with the kids, she threw a royal fit and threatened to quit the show, something she does quite regularly no matter the destination, save perhaps Hawaii. This time though, she claimed it was justified. “You ever sat around a campfire chewing on masticated whale blubber and having to act all friendly like with a woman whose voice makes you want to throw yourself off an ice floe?”

However, as always, she was reminded that the show pays for her lifestyle, and with that, she begrudgingly picked up her Gucci backpack and stomped toward the limo waiting to whisk her and her offspring to the outback in style, stopping only once to get in a quick tanning session in anticipation of making it to the beach after a few days of roughing it.

Reporters caught up with Sarah Palin to ask her what she thought about Kate’s adventures camping in Australia. “Sure, who wouldn’t love 80 degree sunny weather with hunky outback guys carrying your 18-piece Gucci luggage all over the place for you?” then said, “Now excuse me. I have work to do. This bear isn’t gonna skin itself.”