Dan Quayle Briefly Considers Run for President

“If Rick Perry can do it, why can’t I? asked the 44^th Vice President of the United States after a few afternoon cocktails. Quayle put some balls in motion this past weekend while attending a fundraiser for Perry. “I’ve got to be honest here folks. While Mr. Perry is one handsome man, he’s not got a lot going on upstairs besides a great set of hair.” When reminded by one of his handlers that the saying goes “great head of hair,” Quayle replied, “yes, but it is me saying it.”

Many in the crowd, when asked if they would consider voting for Dan Quayle for President said emphatically they would not, but that did not deter Quayle, who, at one point got up on the stage with Perry, put his arm around Perry’s shoulder, and said, “man, we’re both dumb as a box of rocks but they still throw their campaign money at us. How great is that?” at which point Mr. Quayle was told by Perry to “go sleep it off mofo.”

No one is sure what Quayle’s schedule looked like Sunday morning but could only guess that his trip across country to see what was going on in the Bachmann camp met with equal failure. Especially after Quayle told Bachmann just moments after being invited into her campaign bus “I wouldn’t have a problem at all having you as my Vice President, Shelly. You’re pretty hot.”

Obama Not Reading Book Upside Down When Bin Laden Killed

It has already started, the “What were you doing when you heard the news that Osama bin Laden was killed?” Most of us were getting ready for bed or already there on a Sunday evening when the news broke. Not much else to remember, just that as soon as we heard, we couldn’t turn off the television.

Same thing with the bombing of the twin towers on 9/11. Almost. Yes, to this day, we ask each other “Do you remember where you were or what you were doing when the twin towers were destroyed?” What sticks in my mind more than anything is the vision of watching then President George W. Bush sitting in front of a group of young children, reading to them from a book that just happened to be upside down. At that moment I knew that George W. Bush knew before any of us exactly what was going down.

I was working in Bradenton, Florida, just about 5 miles up the road from the very school in Sarasota, Florida where our President was when the towers came under attack. I watched the horror unfold on the televisions set up in the game room of the company I worked for while simultaneously looking out the door of the building and up into the sky to watch as Air Force One took off, scurrying our President presumably back toward the nation’s capital, but now knowing he probably wouldn’t be brought there until the danger had passed.

That was almost ten years ago and none of it has blurred. What I remember most, besides the vision of the planes flying into the side of those towers, is that upside down book and the look on George W. Bush’s face. I can’t remember seeing surprise, which actually surprised me and, to this day, still does. There was no reaction whatsoever, just a limp book in his hands as he seemed to be listening to someone telling him something. I remember imagining someone saying to him “Ok, now George, put the book down, get up slowly, and don’t let on that anything is amiss,” or something to that effect.

And then this past Sunday, my first knowledge of the news that Osama bin Laden had been killed came by reading the news online. I immediately turned on the television and the oddest thing came to mind. I’d lay odds President Barack Obama was not reading a book upside down when the deal went down.

Michelle Obama Afraid to Vacation in Maine

When Barack Obama hit the first lady with the news that they were going to the Maine backwoods for a short little vacation, Michelle wasn’t too enchanted with the idea. Sure, the idea of getting in some hiking, canoeing, and fishing was a great idea to wind down the summer before going into the final stretch for November elections, but Maine, who goes to Maine?

And then, Barack told her the rest of the news. “We’re going to be staying with Stephen King, you know, the horror writer? He has this awesome spooky house he lives in in Bangor. Won’t that be exciting?”

Michelle is said to be terrified at the idea of spending even a few minutes in the company of King. “That guy scares the bejeezus outta me,” she’s was heard saying as she and the President discussed the issue over an impromptu picnic on the lawn just outside the west wing of the White House. “Did you ever read that awful story about Pennywise? What kinda creepy things do you suppose goes on in his house, Barack? The girls will never be able to sleep without the light on again.”

Obama is reportedly a big fan of King’s “The Stand,” a story in which he sees himself as the character “Mother Abagail” and Dick Cheney as the character “Randall Flagg” aka “the Walkin’ Dude.” A classic tale of good vs. evil, Obama has recommended this book to many a friend. He’s said more than once that his favorite part is about how everyone can’t get Mother Abagail out of their heads, like she is the one who is going to save mankind from the evil forces at work in the world.

At one point in their discussion, Barack was overhead saying, “Ok, Michelle, you are afraid of Stephen King, I can appreciate that, but look at the alternatives. I could have us spending a couple of days at the Bush family compound in Kennebunkport” to which Michelle replied, “ok you made your point. Stephen King it is.”

Paul McCartney Comment Prompts Look inside George W. Bush’s Library

Aside from a few die-hard Republicans who can’t bring themselves to believe that George W. Bush is not the sharpest tool in the shed, most people thought Paul McCartney’s joke regarding George Bush not knowing what a library is was pretty funny and saw nothing wrong with it.

But, to make a point, folks gathered at a Dallas office building to get a first-hand peek at some of the books George W. Bush has read and what books and documents will be included in his memorial library expected to be built in the years to come.

Among the finds was a complete collection of well-worn Dr. Seuss books. Jon Horton, caretaker of the books told the group, “George loves Dr. Seuss. He always thought that “One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish secretly referred to the Republicans and the Democrats and in fact, that is how he kept them straight.”

Horton also claims that Dubya especially liked the story of the star-bellied Sneetches, claiming to be one of them. “Whenever he would go out in public, he would pretend to see Sneetches without stars on their bellies and purposefully ignore them. He never tired of that game,” said Horton.

Asked what else made up the library materials, Horton admitted that so far, the only things in it pertained to Seuss books and video materials. One video had a cover that was simply marked “Dick Cheney.” When asked what that video was about, Horton smiled. “Oh that. That is a copy of “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas.”

Bush/Cheney 2012 – The Next Generation

Dick Cheney is said to be planning a not-so-surprise comeback for the 2012 presidential election and he’s doing it this time vicariously through his daughter, Liz Cheney. Due to his dissatisfaction with the way the conservative party has so far been running (or not running) things, Cheney has again decided that the only way to get things back on track is to re-infuse some pure Cheney/Bush blood into the race.

Although Dick feels that he and George W. Bush were perhaps the most ideally paired Presidential team since, well, ever, and there will never be another like them, which we certainly can’t argue with; and, as much as he would like to take the reins himself, he’s just not that sure about his health and that is ultimately what is keeping him from running.

Yes, the die-hard, irrepressible Mr. Cheney has a new plan of action that he’s working on worming into the Republican psyche little by little. We’re talking about the plan to offer up his daughter, Liz Cheney, to run as Vice President to Jeb Bush’s run for President. Can’t you just feel that Dick genius starting to move the masses again?

While Dick is trotting Liz Cheney out to every conservative gathering hosted by everyone from the NRA to the Republican Party itself, Daddy George H.W. Bush, at Dick’s command, is pushing Jeb onto the cable news shows with a full schedule of the old fake-out “no, nope, I’m not running,” so that when the time comes, conservatives everywhere will be begging him to run.

There may be a couple of things that could nip this pairing in the bud before it even happens, though. Word has it that Jeb and Liz aren’t that fond of one other ever since they got in each other’s face way back when at a Kennebunkport gathering, when Jeb, quite a bit older than Liz, told her to “quit following me around like a puppy dog.” “Since then, they find it difficult to be in the same room together, let alone even consider a presidential pairing,” claims an unidentified source.

So how, then, do Dick and H.W. plan on pulling off this shotgun presidential campaign? Some say Dick has his ways. “He’s not above torture, if that’s what it takes to make those kids see how important this is for the country,” said the same source, wishing with all his heart not to be identified.

While he may not sink so low as to waterboard his own daughter, which she would totally approve of, by the way, he could threaten her and Jeb by other means. Suffice it to say, he has the mindset and the wherewithal to get the job done.