Strange Hieroglyphics Found on Russian Meteorite

Cheljabinsk superbolide and meteorites/Svend Buhl

Chelyabinsk, Russia - Scientists have located a large chunk of the Chelyabinsk meteorite that came crashing down in Siberia on February 15, causing injuries in this small village in the Ural region of Russia.

The fragment was recovered from Lake Chebarkul by astronomers from the Ural Federal University and brought immediately to an undisclosed location for further examination.

News of a strange encryption on a large part of the meteorite indicates that this is no ordinary rock from outer space, but could possibly hold the key to the question "are we alone in the universe?"

The scientists who first discovered the writings, which they are calling space hieroglyphics, say it could be nothing more than etchings from space debris that have mysteriously formed into some type of language. However, until a cryptologist can take a look at the rock and determine if there is any rhyme or reason to the markings, Russian officials are calling the find unremarkable.

If Russian President, Vladimir Putin has his way, however, we may never know what this rock says. Putin has agreed to have the rock, said to be about the size of a Russian wrestler's fist, blasted to bits and pieces of it given to the winners of gold medals in the Olympics. The scientific community as a whole was aghast at such a proposition given the enormity of such a find.

Said Putin when asked if he would truly endanger the survival of such a message from space for a few lousy space nuggets, he replied simply "da." 

As in da Vinci, perhaps?

Russian Meteor Actually a Vintage VW Bus

Simulation of Actual Flaming Space Junk

In an experiment that went horribly awry, a piece of space junk fell out of the sky this week and was mistakenly identified as a meteor. It was confirmed that the object that streaked across a part of Russia, causing over 1,000 injuries, mostly from shattered glass, was in fact a vintage VW Bus traveling at approximately 40,000 mph. The fireballs falling from the object were anything from ball bearings to side mirrors as the vehicle hurtled toward earth.

Officials from NASA admitted that the VW Bus was part of an experiment known as “Catapult Orbit” wherein ordinary objects from earth were transported to the International Space Station and periodically launched into space to see if, and more importantly how long, they could remain in orbit around the earth. 

“The VW bus got away from us somehow,” claims Capt. Jim Reed, commander in charge of the Catapult Orbit program. 

“We began launching small objects in 2007, and have been increasing them in size right up to the time we launched the VW Bus,” said Reed. “We had such huge success with various kitchen appliances, that we were certain a large vehicle would not become a problem.”

Reed claims there is an Amana refrigerator, Kenmore washer and dryer stackable unit, and a 1960s curio cabinet orbiting Earth at this very moment, among other things. He claims that there is a bowling ball in orbit that has occasionally been mistaken for a tiny speck on Jupiter’s surface when viewed through a high-powered telescope.

“Let us assure you,” he said. “None of the aforementioned items are at risk of falling to earth.”

Capt. Reed did say, however, that because of this latest embarrassment, not to mention actual injuries due to the VW Bus crashing through Earth’s atmosphere, plans to catapult a double-wide Fleetwood trailer into orbit will be put on hold.

“If a VW Bus can do this much damage, image the trash a trailer might produce if it accidently veered off orbit,” he said.

In a related statement, makers of VW vehicles claim the artificial meteor proves once and for all the concept of Fahrvergnügen, which, loosely translated means ‘bump on the noggin from far away.’