The Fight Against Breast Cancer is Turning into a Circus

The Fight Against Breast Cancer is Turning into a Circus

Ed Note: I didn't take this article nearly far enough. At the end, you will see links to some of the silliest ways I've found to fight breast cancer, from pink beer to a man wearing a pink tutu. I am not making this up and urge you to see for yourself why I've become so fed up with the whole "pink" barrage.

Ok, I've officially seen it all. Well, that may be an exaggeration. I'm sure there are plenty more "save the breasts" campaigns I've not seen yet. I thought the shirts worn by men saying "I Fight Breast Cancer for my Mom," and "Real Men Wear Breast Cancer T-Shirts," were the topper, but no. My eyes have again rolled back into my head, and this time I was totally unprepared.

I ordered some seeds from a famous seed company last year, I won't mention the name because, quite frankly, their seeds didn't produce what they said they would, but that is a story for another day. Anyway, I'm on their mailing list (for life I assume whether I want it or not) and was thumbing through it when I saw, yep, pink pumpkin seeds.

They (I am assuming and I think I can back this up with some research) are genetically modified hybrid pumpkins bred to appear pink on the outside. They were specifically developed for sale to fight breast cancer. Ok, good cause and all, but come on people, last I heard, GMOs aren't good for you. Uhm, I hear they cause cancer. There is research to back up the claim that GMO corn causes tumors in rats.

 Does anyone besides me see a distinct juxtaposition here?

But I digress. My main point is this...aren't we going a bit nuts over pink? Pink is everywhere. Women's breasts are everywhere. We can't go to one store without getting assaulted (I'll come back to that word later) with at least 3 or more messages about breast cancer awareness and the amazing thing is that officially, Breast Cancer Awareness Month was almost 5 months ago--in October!

Sure, the marketing is as good or better than that of the Duck Dynasty clan. Again, you can go to any store at any time and see at least three and usually three dozen different marketing items from that show that is somehow hanging on by a thread despite the fact that the patriarch is a bigoted, gay-hating redneck.

And, as if that wasn't enough, I have found, and I am not making this up, a breast cancer awareness t-shirt that has the image of the men from Duck Dynasty wearing pink hunting camo outfits with the words "Real Men Wear Pink" emblazoned on it, and the Duck Dynasty logo somewhere thereabouts as well. Best marketing plan in the business meet the uhm best marketing plan in the business. A convergence of sorts. So where can this lead us?

Assuming the Duck Dynasty people and the Breast Cancer awareness folks are using the same marketing people, I am wondering what do we have to look forward to next? Pink camo AK-47 assault rifles? Oops, spoke too soon. They are online and available as we speak. Partial proceeds of sales to go to breast cancer awareness and/or research. I fear pink duck-hunting rifles cannot be far behind emblazoned with "I [Heart] Boobies" and "Duck Dynasty Men Shoot With their Pinkies," or something to that effect. The possibilities--as has been proven by these two marketing campaigns--are endless.

Unfortunately, folks, I don't think we've seen the last of this.

Just in case you haven't had enough of the "pink" barrage, I suggest putting a pink pumpkin on your porch for Halloween. And remember, if you forget, you can always buy the seeds, grow them yourself, and have pink pumpkins all over the place for Valentine's Day, Sweetest Day, Labor Day, Memorial Day, and, of course, Breast Cancer Awareness Month, which, due to the fact that there are too many events to fit into just one month, has officially been re-named National Breast Cancer Awareness Year.

Come on, people. There are lots of other cancers out there that are worthy of your time and money. Prostate cancer kills nearly 30,000 men a year, and in the year 2014, almost 250,000 new cases of prostate cancer will be diagnosed. In no way am I trying to take away anything from the breast cancer folks, but it's time to come up with new colors for other cancers and fight them with the same marketing madness that the "Pinks" have shown as being so amazingly successful. Obviously, no marketing campaign is 100% effective until all cancers are completely wiped out in our lifetime.

http://www.latimes.com/food/dailydish/la-dd-fight-breast-cancer-drink-pink-beer-20131009,0,5949858.story#axzz2uLlrsDuU - pink beer

http://www.thetutuproject.com/ - man in pink tutu

http://www.breastcancerttp.com/ - Breast Cancer Awareness Truck and Tractor Pull

http://www.babble.com/best-recipes/16-pink-foods-in-honor-of-breast-cancer-awareness-month/ - pink food recipes

  

Duck Dynasty’s Uncle Si Fires Assistant Over Clean Tea Cup

Anyone who watches the A & E reality hit show Duck Dynasty, is familiar with not only Uncle Si, but his perpetual sidekick, a vintage Tupperware tumbler he carries everywhere he goes. Si is never without a container of sweet tea to keep his tumbler half full or half empty, whichever way the day is going.

The cup has become a running gag on the show. The way it was explained in the first season of the show is that when Si went to Viet Nam, his mama packed away his tea tumbler to go with him. He has had it in his hand ever since and needless to say, it is practically a sacrilege to mess with Uncle Si’s tea tumbler.

It is for this reason that Si’s booted his personal assistant off the set this past season when she, obviously unaware of the history behind the tumbler, decided to scrub the tea tumbler clean while Si was taking a nap on the set one day. Some say this was one of the worst outbursts of the season and Uncle Si literally had his assistant, Sally Morris, in tears before telling her to get her pitiful butt off the set and don’t come back.

“I honestly, to this day, do not know what I did wrong,” said Sally. “I cleaned a cup that everyone on the show complained about. It looked gnarly, and it needed a good scrubbing and I thought I’d help the old guy out by getting it all cleaned up.”

“The patina!” Si could be heard yelling over the scene being shot, said Si’s nephew, Willie Robertson. “The patina! Do you know how long it takes to build up a tea patina?”

Still groggy from his nap, Si appeared to have tears coming from his eyes as he held up the newly cleaned tumbler. 

“Sweet tea just don’t taste the same ‘less you got you some patina to give it flavor,” he yelled at Sally.

“You dumb little city girls don’t know the first thing about ‘Nam, memories, patina or sweet tea,” he said as he called for the producer to boot her “city girl butt” off the show.

Rumors have it that without Si’s cup, there may not be another season of Duck Dynasty, or at least there may not be an Uncle Si, which, of course, means much of the meat of the show will have been removed.

So what to do? Offers to get Si another assistant to do nothing but pour sweet tea into the tumbler, leave it sit in the sun for hours and then replace it over and over again to build up a new patina have met with grumpy silence. For sure, the mistake Ms. Morris made is sure to cost the network some serious money and they aren’t happy about it.

“If we can get the patina, as he calls it, back before next season,” said assistant producer Fetch Mesome, then we have a chance of Uncle Si returning to normal. For now, we’re left with one dejected and tea-deprived character, who has taken up drinking day-old sweet tea from the local 7-Eleven.”

“Day-old tea don’t taste near as good as my patina tea,” said Si when asked for one final comment.

Meanwhile, in other Duck Dynasty news, the local Christian network in West Monroe, LA, where Duck Commander is located, are up in arms about a new nickname the show has developed. 

“They’re now calling it ‘Double-D’ which, as we all know also refers to a popular size of bra among the heathens in this town,” said Tim “Tiny” Tucker, pastor at the local Love Thy Neighbor House of the Lord in West Monroe. 

Protesters have arrived at the Duck Commander outpost to demand that the Robertsons change the name of the show, Duck Dynasty, to anything other than its current name. So far, Duck Empire is coming up as a suitable replacement, but A & E refuses to cow tow to a small group of religious fanatics who, as they put it “seem awfully acquainted with the use of the words “Double D” and what it connotes.

More Duck Dynasty or Double D news as we get it.