Fiscal Cliff Sing-Along Songs

Ed Note: First wrote this in 2012, and here we are again, same circumstances. The Republicans just won't give an inch. At any rate, here are some songs you can sing around the campfire as the electric company has probably already shut off your energy supply. Thank God for those who still have a back yard.

Oh no, Oh no (Hi ho, Hi ho)

Oh no, Oh no
It’s over the cliff we go
No deal was struck
We’re outta luck
Oh no, Oh no, Oh no

Oh no, Oh no,
Our taxes are gonna grow
We’re in a pinch
Please, someone flinch
Oh No, Oh No…

Seal, Seal, Seal the Deal (Row, Row, Row Your Boat)

Seal, seal, seal the deal
Quickly as you can
Hurry, hurry, hurry or
The shit will hit the fan

It’s Beginning to Look a lot Like Deadlock (It’s Beginning to Look a lot Like Christmas)

It’s beginning to look a lot like deadlock
On the Senate floor
Take a look the President’s face
He’s not in a pretty place
The Tea Party is headed out the door…

Boehner’s Turn to Cry (Judy’s Turn to Cry)

And now it’s Boehner’s turn to cry, 
Boehner’s turn to cry,
Boehner’s turn to cry-ay-ay,
Cause Harry don't like, Harry don't like
the deal…

Seal the Deal (Let it Snow)

Oh the President’s on the floor,
As prices begin to soar,
He’s making this one last spiel,
Seal the deal, seal the deal, seal the deal.

Bye, Bye the American Dream (Bye, Bye Miss American Pie)

So bye, bye the American dream
Your home is in foreclosure
And your bankbook’s a scream

Republicans and Democrats all are alike
Sayin’ we won’t have a deal by tonight…

One Sniff, Two Sniffs, Old Cliff, New Cliff

In the talks Speaker Boehner was having a fit,
I don’t like this at all, not one little bit
He said as he sat like a lump on the couch
I’ll show you who’s boss said the grumpy old grouch

I’ll get Harry Reid if it’s the last thing I do
I’ll get Eric Cantor and old Mitchie too
I’ll make them all rue the day they were born
He said with a scowl full of unbridled scorn,

I did my best and the thanks that I get 
Is a bookie in Vegas who kept taking bets
That I’d quit by Friday at five on the dot
So that Cantor could quickly jump into my spot.

Forget it he said. I’m not a quitter
As he pulled out his phone and shot Harry a Twitter
“Look Harry, I’m sorry do we have a deal?”
And Harry wrote back “WTF? U still here?”

John Boehner Suffering from ‘Walking Nervous Breakdown’

W-we s-still d-don't h-have
a d-deal....

Sources close to the White House say that they would have a debt deal today if it weren’t for the obstinate stand by John Boehner in refusing to allow even the most reasonable plan to come up for vote in the House.

No one in their right mind would let the country fall over the fiscal cliff, especially since both sides are pretty close to a deal, but it seems that may be just what Boehner is intending.

“And that,” says one physician who has been treating Boehner for other small ailments, “may be because John is suffering from what we call in the medical industry a ‘walking nervous breakdown.”

Dr. Henry Jefferson, who takes care of Boehner in Washington, explained that just like people can walk around with pneumonia and not know it, i.e. walking pneumonia, there are many people walking around with mental breakdowns and aren’t aware anything is seriously wrong with them.

“They appear to act normally, but small signs to the trained physician eye can give them away. A small eye twitch, a bit more slur in the speech pattern, an obstinate unwillingness to compromise, these are all signs of walking nervous breakdown.

Asked if gone untreated, it would develop into a full blown neurosis, the doctor said that it was difficult to say. He did comment on the fact that he hadn’t seen Boehner cry in a while and that is always a good sign, but that if things kept going the way they are, it wouldn’t be long before he’d be back blubbering like a baby again.

“All I can tell you is that I’ve advised Mr. Boehner that he should seriously consider getting this debt thing wrapped up as soon as possible, regardless of whether or not he pleases everyone in his bunch, because if he doesn’t, it very well could lead to a complete nervous breakdown.”